Questions & suggestions

What's the difference between a question, a suggestion, and a criticism? I think it's often the attitude of the person on the receiving end of the words. To one person a set of words is heard as a simple question. The same words to someone else might simply be received as a suggestion. Another person only hears criticism.

For organizations to function at their best, leaders must have the capacity to hear questions as questions, suggestions as suggestions, and criticisms as both questions and suggestions.

What happens when leaders don't have this capacity? Lots of unhealthy things. The organization's shared anxiety increases. The ability of the organization to learn is undermined. Employees lose confidence in their leaders, and leaders lose confidence in their employees. Crippling competition displaces creative collaboration.

In order to have the requisite attitudes, leaders must have the ability to distinguish between what they can control and what they can't. In the end the only area of ultimate control is self control. Leaders must hold the belief that the way they act and react has an impact on the situation. And this belief has to translate into responsibility.

If we are to lead we'd do well to audit ourselves for how we react to questions and suggestions. If we find ourselves threatened, we need to ask why. We also need to audit how often we hear criticism. We can lessen the amount of criticism we hear by hearing instead the questions and suggestions that will increase the capacity of life together.

What are the questions, suggestions, and criticisms that you're listening to these days?