Rage and God's love

I got one of those calls from home today that I hate to get. Ben was in a rage.

Ben's 13 so you might think it's early teenage angst. I'm sure that's part of it. He's also literally short a few "screws," having been born with Williams Syndrome which means he's missing part of the 7th chromosone. Most of the time he's an absolute delight. But occasionally he can get really angry and lose control.

School was canceled today, so the regular schedule was disrupted, and since it was so cold outside, never reaching zero degrees with a much colder wind chill, Ben was denied one of his favorite activities, spending hours at the curb digging in the snow. Something pushed his trigger and he started breaking things, being aggressive with mom, and terrorizing the house. That's when I get the call.

We can rationalize Ben's behavior and we do work to provide an environment in which it is less likely. We also don't dismiss Ben's behavior without appropriate consequences.

But what gets me the most about Ben's periodic rage is what it does to me. I catch myself also filling with rage. And for me, a fairly self-aware, self-controlled adult, it takes everything I can muster not to act back in rage. I wish I could say that I'm always in perfect control; I'm not. But it strikes me that if I have all the capacities necessary to control myself and find it so difficult, how difficult must it be for Ben.

My own emotional wrestling also gives me a little insight into how people whose lives are out of control, who feel like everything is working against them, who don't know what to do to change their situation, can become so frustrated and desperate. In these challenging economic times, it doesn't surprise me that people take dramatic measures like suicide and faking their death in response to the rage that builds up inside them. It doesn't surprise me, but it pains me.

There's an irony in this afternoon's events. When I got the call I was working on a worship service about moving beyond fear to love. These words adapted from Psalm 33 were resonating in my mind:

If you are looking for God’s love, take heart:
God’s unfailing love is offered to you today.
If you fear the Lord, be assured:
God’s unfailing love watches over you.
If bad times are overwhelming you, have confidence:
God’s unfailing love keeps body and soul together.
If you are lost and alone, have hope:
God’s unfailing love will save you.
If you feel threatened and afraid, be encouraged:
God’s unfailing love protects you.

As I drove across town wondering what I'd find at the house, this promise reassured me and helped me get control of my rage. For folks without this promise ringing in their ears and hearts, I can't imagine how they cope. God's love is stronger than the rage, but what do you do if you don't know that God's unfailing love is for you?