...of the big, bad wolf? Well, if you're a leader, you can't afford such fear. There may be times when fear is appropriate, but it's not in the face of those things which huff and puff. The wolves may blow lots of air, it may even be powerful air, but it will not knock you down, especially if you lean into it like a Chicagoan does on a windy winter day.
Continuing with the animal metaphors, often our fear of the elephant in the room causes us to behave suspiciously, deceptively, untruthfully. It is exactly at those moments, however, when what we need to demonstrate above all else is integrity. Integrity in this moment, when confronted with a wolf that resembles an elephant, is honest, unapologetic, realistic, compassionate, and direct.
Apparently such integrity is not very common.
At an event this past weekend I stood before a gathering of folks which included one of those elephants. I acknowledged the elephant, welcomed the wolf, and moved on. I felt like I did it with integrity. Others seemed to think so as well.
What surprised and saddened me, though, was the number of people who thanked me for being honest, unapologetic, realistic, compassionate, and direct. They didn't all agree with me and some were angry about how the elephant ended up in the room in the first place, but they thanked me for addressing it forthrightly, and then several of them finished their sentence with something like, "... because we don't hear that from our leaders."
I don't raise this encounter to highlight my own leadership, but rather to remind others who lead how important it is to lead with integrity. There are many dimensions to integrity, some which have to do with ethics and others which have to do with transparency and honesty. Doing what's required and doing what's right may not always be the same thing. I may have been required only to make a basic presentation. But what was right was to truthfully acknowledge in public the difficult elephant which sat in the room. You don't HAVE to name the elephants, especially those that you have a hand in creating, at least not technically. But in terms of integrity, what other choice is there?
That's the part that mystifies me: what other choice is there? At least if you're a leader. Don't be afraid of the big, "bad" wolf. Lean into the wind. Point out the elephant. Lead.
Do you think this is something that can be taught? Maybe not a skill set, but the imperative for integrity, and for the wellbeing of the community that's gathered? I sometimes am one to point to the elephant in the room but afterword am afraid I spoke too hastily or upset someone, so it seems like the bottom line is getting past our own anxiety.
ReplyDeleteTaught maybe in the sense of formed. It's not like reading a book or listening to a lecture and then just doing it. I suppose it takes being in environments where others are practicing integrity, otherwise I think you're right on the money that our personal and/or communal anxieties and fears turn any sighting of the elephant into a judgment, criticism, or attack.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when we're part of the elephant I think it shows integrity to name that. The example in my original post has me as being a key anatomical feature of the elephant. I made decisions which "drew" the elephant, so for me to ignore it certainly would have been disingenuous. If others had named it first then I would have been in a position to either succumb to my fears and self-defense or acknowledge the elephant, too.
So in this case part of the integrity is naming the place where I exercised power which helped shape the current circumstance. Naming the elephant does not imply judgment in terms of whether the power was used well or not; others will determine that, ie I did not attempt to defend the elephant, but rather simply stated the facts as I knew them. Perhaps the integrity is in naming that power was used.