Facebook wanted to know what's on my mind.
At the moment I'm just sitting here being verbally abused by a 25 yo son who has no genetic ability to reason and refuses to do the things he needs to do to be safe and well (you know, like not go outside in a thunderstorm during a severe heat warning).
Lately, though, I'm feeling an exhaustion like no other exhaustion I've ever felt, and not the good kind.
I'm not sharing this for sympathy. It's nothing new. Tired's been piling up for years. It's the daily life we have.
But here's the thing.
If you think you "know" what other people's experiences are, like white folks knowing black folks' experiences, or single folks knowing parent-with-children folks' experiences, or urban folks knowing rural folks' experiences, or neurotypical parents knowing what it's like to be a special needs parent, or doctors and nurses caring for Covid patients when you're not even a medical professional, or ..... then you aren't really paying attention.
If your m.o. is to evaluate and judge people whose experiences are vastly different than your own based primarily on your own experiences, then you have a lot of growing up to do. If you think that you "know" something about someone's situation but you've never walked a mile in their shoes, let alone taken a stride nearby, then your privilege is definitely showing.
You may dismiss or mock me and my white male privilege for being tired, and I get it. Really I do. Plenty of people have told me to "get some rest," "take care of yourself," or just "suck it up." But before you do, maybe you could come lace on my shoes.
If your experience or ideas require you to invalidate another's, your understanding is wrong. And if your primary way of moving around in the world is with disdain and dismissiveness toward people and movements and principles that you don't even understand, your memes aren't worth the bytes they're lighting up.
As for me, I am tired.
Tired.
... of Covid-19. Tired of people dying.
... of threats. Tired of self-righteous saviors.
... of incompetent leaders. Tired of politics.
... of self-interest. Tired of broken systems that refuse to go.
... of being angry. Tired of being scared.
... of my Christian faith being used as a weapon.
... of patronizing do-gooders.
Tired of being tired.
And yet, my exhaustion pales next to how tired those whose very lives are always at risk must be. I can only imagine, and learn, and show compassion, because I will never know. I can contribute to what changes I can, and refuse to leave those who are weary to just make it on their own.
I may be exhausted, but there's still work to do. It will be easier if we do it together, especially in these days with physical distancing and unclear futures.
What's REALLY on my mind, Facebook? All these things, and more.
But right now I'm too tired to write another word.
