Tastes like yellow

In such a time as this

2011-10-16T11:39:00.008-05:00

Friday evening I had the privilege of preaching at the Middle PA District Conference. It was great for me to think about the biblical story of Esther and how her story informs us as we follow Jesus today. Click here to get the pdf of the manuscript.

Difficult examination

2011-07-26T15:35:00.018-05:00

Many reflections on the recent Church of the Brethren Annual Conference have found their way onto blogs, facebook, email lists, and into private conversations, public forums, and virtually every avenue of communication. The reactions have been varied, nearly as widely as the breadth of perspective on the issues that made up our business, notably human sexuality, climate change, a resolution against the war in Afghanistan, and the election of leaders.

I myself have felt like much of what needs to be said is being said, but I do have one observation that for me signifies the deep sense of sadness I felt about this gathering of Brethren.

Wednesday morning worship was attended by fewer than two thirds of the registered conference attenders.

Why do I think this matters? For a number of reasons.

First, I believe it shows that worship as a priority for the Brethren is down on the list. Way down. When there is better attendance and passion for business sessions than there is for gathering to honor God and tend to our relationship with God, then we have a problem. After the week we had, could there have been anything that we needed more than a reminder that we are God's people, the sheep of God's pasture, not because of what we've done, but because of who God is?! Where did so many people go?

Second, I believe the lack of attendance shows that many Brethren attended this conference not for an encounter with God or with other Brethren, but primarily to promote their agenda. And I do mean their agenda. Making the effort to get to Grand Rapids was about political pragmatism, not spiritual activism. We learn this type of politics from the world: getting the vote out, caucusing our position, maneuvering for power. Worship is a spiritual activity that we can't learn from the world: confession, grace, hope, waiting, surrender, servanthood. It felt to me that many early departers had little interest in this spiritual activity.

Third, I believe that lack of attendance shows a disrespect for leadership, an unwillingness to be led through the service of our staff and volunteers. I don't view it primarily as disrespect for the morning's preacher, our General Secretary and my immediate supervisor Stan Noffsinger, at least not fundamentally. Rather, I see it as a posture toward leadership that only allows for leadership when it serves our own predetermined purposes. That actually sounds more like prostitution than leadership. The lack of leadership that is often referred to in the church may be true; but, the void of followership seems to me to be even greater, as evidenced in the mass exodus prior to closing worship. We don't want to be led by one another; do we really want to be led by God?

Some will say that it is typical that the last morning of conference sees a lot of early departures, with cursory business items and "only" worship to cap the conference. I myself have left early in the past to catch an earlier flight, beat the traffic, or hurry home to my family after a week away. I'm rethinking that now, though, because it is becoming clearer to me where part of our problem lies. Even in our primary gathering of Brethren, we are so focused on our own agendas, schedules, and comfortable life locations that we casually excuse ourselves from the worship of God, rejecting the shared voice, heart, prayer, and posture that rehearses once again that God is God and we are God's people.

I'm examining myself on all these questions. Is worship, is God a priority for me? Am I functioning out of spiritual guidance or political positioning? Do I really want to be led by God? Am I willing to follow wise counsel and gifted leadership of my sisters and brothers? Tough questions; difficult examination.

If you made it this far in this blog, you may be saying, "But I was there. It is a priority for me." Thank you. We need each other to stay committed, to keep our priorities ordered. And I may need you to remind me why it is important to stick around for closing worship at Annual Conference next year!

Feeling frustrated and misled

2010-11-26T12:51:00.002-06:00

OK, so when I call someone out, CarMax, it's only fair that I say why. (see Twitter feed)

We purchased a used vehicle over the weekend. In the process of the purchase I questioned the integrity of the front tires, stating "they probably pass minimum standard, but they are nearing the end of their life, and I would like to buy this vehicle if it had better tires on the front." The salesman and a second rep looked at the tires and both agreed that they looked worn, and also probably passed the minimum requirement, but they went ahead and wrote what I thought was an order for new tires, but in fact was only a "consult and advise" for the service dept.

So we bought the vehicle. I took it today for what I thought were two new tires and was told "the tread is still good." I said, "I know, but it really is not good, and I was expecting two new tires." Then followed a sequence of "there's nothing we can do, sir"s. Except "if you're not satisfied with the vehicle you can bring it back and we will take it back."

Well, we love the vehicle and are not taking it back, but are less than pleased with the CarMax service at this point. If they inspected the vehicle, put it on the sale lot, and had already determined that the tires met minimum requirement and that they would not change them, why send me out with additional time and energy invested in going back to the garage for "advisement."? Just tell me that it will be sold as is or not sold at all, and then I make a choice.

I am sure that there were not violations of company "policy" and that they are following the letter of their law the way it is written. But I still feel cheated by being put through motions that obviously had no meaning.

I've spoken with sales managers, service managers and corporate customer service. I expect to be buying two tires before traveling for the holidays, and I expect to never again purchase a CarMax vehicle.

If anything changes, I will more than gladly post the resolution...

Side note: within minutes of tweeting my displeasure, I had a direct message from CarMax corporate asking me to call them ... the "power" of the internet.

Another NPR story on Williams Syndrome

2010-05-04T09:04:00.001-05:00

Gotta love NPR these days. They're giving lots of attention to Williams Syndrome. Check out the latest; brief but informative.

NPR story on Williams Syndrome

2010-04-26T08:29:00.003-05:00

Check out this spotlight story from morning edition on NPR that talks about the trusting nature of people with Williams Syndrome, kids like our Ben!

Is THIS Normal?

2010-04-12T11:30:00.005-05:00

Well, today Ben went back to school and Jon is back to work. There is much to do: projects to complete, contacts to catch up with, staff colleagues to reconnect with, travel to prepare for and so on.

But here we are, back to "normal."

May our awareness of God be as keen in this normal as it has been throughout the exceptional!

Ben and The Ginge

2010-04-09T11:58:00.004-05:00

Here are some photos of Ben's birthday celebration at Children's Memorial Hospital, with entertainment by The Ginge!

OK, so it wasn't just for Ben's birthday, but how was he to know?!

easter

2010-04-05T20:05:00.001-05:00

Two of our beautiful children celebrating Easter

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Easter

2010-04-04T20:03:00.002-05:00

What a beautiful Easter day! Ben is home! Christ is risen! The sun shone brightly, and now comes soaking rain. What more is there to say? He is risen indeed.

Friday & Saturday, waiting

2010-04-03T20:55:00.005-05:00

Friday was a waiting day. Kim, Noah and Lydia came to the hospital since it was a school holiday. Jon, Noah and Lydia went for a great walk on a beautiful Spring day. We got over to the shoreline, walked in the sand, dipped our toes in cold Lake Michigan, collected a few small shells and stones, soaked up some sun, and breathed fresh air.

Noah went to the Family Life Center after we got back and was tutored in chess by a visiting volunteer. Lydia and Kim went to check out the thrift shop that's across from the hospital, and whose proceeds benefit the hospital.

Kim then settled in for the night while Jon, Noah and Lydia headed back to Elgin, just in time for some Easter egg decorating at church and then Noah slept over at his friend Jason's house.

Saturday has also come and gone, and we're still waiting on the coumadin levels to get high enough for Ben to come home. Kim's still at the hospital. Jon and Lydia slept in for once and did some chores around the house, and Noah played at Jason's. Lydia and dad had an afternoon out to the movies, where we saw "Last Song" starring Miley Cyrus. I thought we were in for a silly children's flick, but instead I ended up with tears through pretty much the whole thing. I guess it hit a little close to home with all the family dynamics and especially the storyline of father and kids.

So now it's time for rest. Tomorrow we get up early to celebrate Easter. We give thanks to God for life and for victory over death. This year the reality of new life is close to home.

May it be real to you as well.

Busy with not much of anything

2010-04-01T21:24:00.002-05:00

Hospital stays really feel like they are amazingly busy, and yet here we are not doing much of anything except for waiting. The anticoagulation levels are improving, but not yet where they need to be to go home.

Ben's day was fairly active. He spent most of the morning in the family life center. Hmm. What did he do there? Watched a little of Stuart Little, watched dad draw a picture, hob-nobbed with the other kids and volunteers, did some drumming during "Jammin' with Jim," and played in the teen center.

After the center is was lunch and shower time, followed by tutoring, listening to music, a visit from Pastor Joel and then dinner. He was exhausted and fell asleep at 6:00 p.m.! Let's hope he stays asleep for the night, although I'm sure there will be interruptions: for blood draws, vitals, and an early morning weigh in. Additionally, the baby sharing the room is scheduled for surgery first thing in the morning, so that means no post-midnight feedings, which likely means a cranky baby!

Weather in Chicago was beautiful although quite windy today (surprise!) so Jon got out for a couple walks and a chance to take in the city from the eighth floor of the parking garage. Tremendous view of the city from that vantage point.

Sorry that I didn't get to lovefeast with our church family at Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren, but Kim had a solo with the choir so she took Noah and Lydia and I stayed in town with Ben.

We are getting pretty close to discharge. The blood thinners are closer and closer to their target rates, but my hunch is we're looking at a few more days. Go ahead; prove me wrong!

Blessings to you our family and friends for the dark journey of Good Friday and the bright dawning of Easter this weekend.

Steady

2010-03-31T20:18:00.002-05:00

Steady would be the word for today. Not any notable changes.

Ben spent a lot of the day alone, probably the longest time he's been in that position throughout his hospital stays. Wednesday's a work day for Kim and Jon had the last of three days of meetings with the standing committee vision team. But Ben wasn't really alone, since his favorite 5th floor nurse Jamie was in today, and he had a visit with a volunteer who got him onto the computer, and his mentor Scott from church visited in the afternoon.

He was reluctant to get a shower (we know he's feeling better!), so dad bribed him with pizza.

Beyond that there's not much to report. We're thankful for the meals that the church family has been providing at home, and for Pastor Audrey making some time to hang out with Lydia and Noah today.

Healing continues.

Birthday Boy

2010-03-30T21:40:00.004-05:00

Today Ben celebrated his 15 years of life! It was like one day-long party. He woke up to a card from the night nurses, then was serenaded by the day crew and volunteers (see picture and post below), then had a visit that included a BIG balloon and cake with our friend Chris, a shower, and then a concert with the Chicago area band The Ginge (that included photo ops and autographs!). Insert a bunch of phone calls from family and friends, and it was one gloriously full day.

The only down side to Ben's day would have been that dad had to leave a while for a meeting in Elgin, mom had to work and has a cold that kept her away, and Noah and Lydia had school so didn't get to come in either. But we'll all celebrate when Ben finally gets home again.

So, getting home.... On the medical front they are still trying to get his heparin level up to where they want it, and at the same time are starting to switch him over to coumadin. It mostly means a slow, careful process of i.v. fluids, blood checks, and pills. Word on the street (or at least on five west) is that we're here through the weekend.

We'll stay as long as they insist; just don't make us come back again!

As I've said before, we are just really thankful that Ben is even around for his 15th birthday. God's given us a precious gift that takes some tending, but the smiles and joy are worth the effort! We lift a prayer of gratitude in harmony with our continued prayers for healing.

Happy Birthday, Ben!!

Ben's party

2010-03-30T10:00:00.001-05:00

Ben was serenaded with Happy Birthday by nurses and volunteers. They also gifted him with a rhythm and jam keyboard, a soulful cd, and an electronic math quiz game. I do believe he is becoming spoiled.

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Happy Birthday Ben!

2010-03-30T08:27:00.001-05:00

He woke up to this greeting from the 5 west nurses and staff! Nice!

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Feeling good

2010-03-29T21:21:00.002-05:00

Ben wants you to know that he's feeling good. He's talking constantly, ordering his next twelve meals, and plotting his future activities like work camps and drum accessorization.

From the parental perspective things are stable. He's still on his heparin drip, although they had stopped it temporarily last night because they got a low reading on his hemoglobin. Apparently it was a tainted sample because the levels are back up. They're also transitioning him to coumadin, which he'll go home on and remain on for several months.

Visually it looks like the swelling in his calf has gone down a little, although the thigh still seems to be swollen. He says it doesn't hurt any more, which is a good sign.

Kim spent last night and today at the hospital. Noah and Lydia headed back to school after their Spring break. Lydia's still carrying the burden for her brother, most noticeably in her belly. But she had a good day at school, especially in her art class where she got to color a chameleon. Jon spent the day working and in a meeting at the office, and is going to spend the night with Ben.

Tomorrow Ben turns 15. We're just thankful that he's completed the fifteenth year! We look forward to a strong, healing start to the 16th.

Laugh or cry?

2010-03-28T21:33:00.002-05:00

Are we players in an absurd drama? Ben's back in the hospital for the third time.

Rewind. Saturday was a good day for Ben. Short walks, an outing in the car with gma & gpa, some good naps, a shower, and eating, eating, eating.

This morning was great, too. Ben went with us to church because we all needed to be there, and he seemed up to it. My cousin Joel's choir from El Monte High School in CA were guests in our worship service. They were great! Ben did what Ben does best, mingled with church-goers and received all their well wishes and delight for his healing.

And indeed Ben has been healing, gaining strength. Except....

Except for some swelling in his left leg and complaints of pain when he walked. For a while we thought that it was simply a product of needing to regain strength and tight tendons and ligaments. But today there was noticeable swelling, still pain, and knowledge that our families have histories of clots. Add to all that the fact that because of his bleeding ulcer he wasn't on any post-op blood thinners, we thought it best to contact the doctors.

Jon took Ben back down to Children's where the short ending is that they discovered a blood clot in the iliac vein in the groin. Likely it was encouraged by an i.v. that was located there during/after the ulcer surgery. He has been re-admitted to the hospital where he will receive treatments of heparin for a few days. There is risk in this treatment due to his recent surgeries, but the surgeons feel like he has healed enough to lower the risk of the heparin, and they also don't see another choice.

Kim's back to the hospital for a Sunday night stay. Jon's home with Noah and Lydia and preparing for meetings early this week. It looks like flexibility and prioritization will continue to be the guiding principles this week.

So at this point it's difficult to know whether to laugh or cry. Your continuing prayers are appreciated.

Semblance of routine

2010-03-26T21:54:00.003-05:00

We brought Ben home on Wednesday. He is doing well. Eating, eating, sleeping, eating, eating, walking, talking, eating, playing drums, eating, sleeping. Well, you get the picture. I think he's trying to re-gain his 20 pounds in one week! Today Kim said he wanted to help work in the yard, but grandpa convinced him to take a walk instead, after which he was so tired he slept the rest of the afternoon!

On Wednesday evening Lydia complained of not feeling well. On Thursday morning she still didn't feel well, complaining of pain in her stomach. She was so pathetic, crying and moaning, "Daddy, it hurts" over and over. So, instead of my first day back to the office in quite a while, off to the doctor we went. Our regular doc wasn't in, but Dr. DiMarco was wonderful with Lydia. The short story is that Lydia seems to be carrying the stress of her brother's health crisis around with her in her stomach. Official diagnosis gastritis.

The longer story is that I hope Lydia doesn't need serious medical attention any time soon. First was the trauma of the throat swab to check for strep. Then followed the suggestion of taking blood, which simply provoked a series of shrieks and cries. Since there was some concern about possible appendicitis, a CT scan was in order. Since her belly hurt she wouldn't drink the contrast, so they had to use an i.v. More shrieks and cries, but eventual concession. I know this is scary stuff for a nine-year-old; it's just so different from Ben who would simply hold out his arm.

At the conclusion of the CT I suggested that the i.v. line remain in so that the doc could get her blood from it. They agreed, which then led to a great adventure since none of the medical equipment was compatible. The tech in radiology finally came through with a strategy, and they were able to draw blood without having to stick Lydia again. Again, the good news was that there were no major issues found.

From a dad's standpoint, I must say that it took all I could muster to remain compassionate and patient with the prospect of yet more medical tests and issues with our kids. I think I did OK, but it took a lot of conscious effort, simply because I'm so tired of hospitals, doctors, and my kids hurting.

The other thing that Lydia not feeling well reminds me is that even though Ben's out of the hospital, he still has a long way to go, as do the rest of us. Lydia and Noah have experienced this trauma just like the rest of us, and will continue to recover along with Ben. Thankfully grandparents have been around to help them through it. Same with Kim and me; it'll take some time to recover from all this stress.

"Normal" still feels like it's a long way off. Once again I'm on the road for some work-related meetings, which is a taste of normal, but it's still engulfed by this last month and a half of focus on Ben. We continue to rely on the strength of God through Jesus, and the beautiful family and community of faith that has sustained us thus far.

Home again

2010-03-24T20:11:00.002-05:00

Ben was discharged about 4:00 p.m. today and we arrived back home at 5:30! We're all looking forward to a good night's sleep in our own beds. Such hope may be thwarted, however, by a nine year old girl who's not feeling so well tonight.

Anyway, we were all glad to be around the kitchen table for dinner tonight, although exhaustion is setting in.

Ben was cleared to play his drums and to enjoy regular activity, just no lifting, digging, or contact sports. Oh yeah, and he's not allowed to return to school for at least another week or two. He'll have a host of follow-up visits over the next two weeks on his way back to a more normal routine and life. In the meantime, he's eating anything and everything he's allowed to get his hands on in an effort to gain back the nearly twenty pounds he lost.

Thanks for all your support, prayers, and encouragement. I'll reflect more on these past five weeks at a later date, after some more sleep and a deeper healing.

homeward bound

2010-03-24T15:57:00.001-05:00

Ben's ready to go. Just waiting for a wheelchair to help us out.

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One day short of five weeks

2010-03-23T21:21:00.003-05:00

Today was a good day again! Ben took several good walks around the unit, ate frequently and well, was bathed, listened to some music, watched some T.V. and generally had an enjoyable day.

Blood pressure is still the issue, it's been too high, but they've modified the meds and will determine whether or not he can go home tomorrow after they see how the pressures are tonight. We really hope they've figured it out so that we can go home!

This evening was a lot of fun. A hospital magician came by the room (how many hospitals have their own magicians!) and did some fun tricks with Ben, including cards, multiplying foam balls, and a disappearing/reappearing handkerchief. He even taught Ben a trick, so ask Ben to perform a little magic for you next time you see him.

After the magician left, our neighbors from Elgin came for a visit, with Noah in tow after having spent the day in Chicago, and gma & gpa S made the trip in as well. Ben loves the attention!

So we're hoping for a somewhat restful night, even though nurse Tobin will be in every four hours to do the vitals. With a little luck and an assist from some medicine, this night may be our last in Children's, at least for now.

walking the halls

2010-03-23T08:58:00.001-05:00

Ben did the "big lap" and stairs. OT says from her p.o.v. He's good to go!

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I'll take fries with that

2010-03-22T20:30:00.005-05:00

Today has been a great day! Measured in terms of appetite, Ben has taken a huge step. Breakfast was pancakes, bacon and hash browns, of which he ate part. Lunch was half a big mac. Afternoon snack was a roast beef sandwich. Dinner was a ceasar salad with chicken and a roll. I'd say his tastes buds and his stomach are getting back in sync!

The last i.v. line came out today, so no more tubes!! He's also walking, getting physical therapy, doing his "flutterbug," and receiving visitors. Today's company included pastor Audrey and the return of gma & gpa S, just in from PA, and sister and brother.

It is hard to put into words how much improvement we see in his eyes, his energy, and his attitude. We're getting our Ben back!

It seems that the remaining hospital hurdle is regulating his blood pressure. It's been higher than they want it, and so they are trying medication combos to get it stabilized. Now they're saying Wednesday or Thursday for possible discharge.

Kim and Jon traded places tonight. Kim gets to head home after a very long weekend, and Jon moves into the "suite." Hopefully Kim has spent her last night here!

Tomorrow no doubt Ben will want another burger, and this time he'll want his fries with it! Thanks be to God!

Weekend overview

2010-03-21T20:49:00.005-05:00

This was a busy and positive weekend. Kim has been at the hospital with Ben. Noah had a great time overnight with his friend Jason. Lydia went on an adventure with the Kellermans. Jon went to Middle PA district for an event and then returned to help with worship music Sunday a.m. Kim's folks ended their extended stay by leaving Sunday morning to head home.

On Friday Ben was somewhat unexpectedly moved from his i.c.u. berth to a regular room on the 5th floor. The move was accompanied by a removal of his n.g. tube and permission to drink clear liquids. On Saturday they advanced him to an unrestricted diet. Of course he doesn't have much of an appetite yet, but that will come. Another good sign was that Ben found a t.v. show while Kim was out of the room and was laughing about it when she came back. He doesn't often watch t.v., but it was good to see him engaging something.

Sunday was a good day as well. Lydia, Noah and Jon visited in the afternoon. Ben is smiling, getting up for short walks, had his first shower in quite a while, and continues to take small bites of varieties of foods.

Today the docs said that he might be discharged on Tuesday or Wednesday. We're absolutely excited, and somewhat terrified, about Ben coming back home. Of course this time will be different than the last.

One more end of the day bonus: his last drain tube from the surgery site was removed this evening. All that's left is his pic line.

We are incredibly blessed with the strength of God and overwhelmed by the support of all of you.

Ben March 21

2010-03-21T15:27:00.001-05:00

Looking & feeling much better today. May be discharged Tuesday or Wednesday. More updates later this evening.
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Cool change

2010-03-18T21:52:00.002-05:00

Today's big step was ice chips for Ben! Also got up and sat in the chair several times, had a bath, and a visit from Steve & Emily.

Maybe tomorrow the ng tube will come out and clear liquids will begin.

Jon left in the afternoon for a little time in the office, dinner at home, and choir practice, and then is off for two day work trip to Middle PA. Kim has taken up residence at the hospital. Noah & Lydia have a busy weekend with friends ahead, and gma & gpa L continue to hold things together in Elgin.

So healing continues while the other pieces of life begin to come back into focus.
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Month to the day - Luck of the Irish?

2010-03-17T16:27:00.004-05:00

Here's a mid-afternoon update for the first day of our second month in the hospital. It was on the 17th of February that this whole saga began. The highlights for today so far.

Ben managed to gag hard enough to partially "throw up" his ng tube, and then he completed its extubation himself. Our favorite nurse Desty did her best by at least asking the question, "does he REALLY need this tube?" and then by getting permission to put the lighter weight, more flexible version of it in when they reiterated how important they think it is to continue to drain the stomach. But Ben enjoyed his few moments of freedom from the tube by sitting up in the chair, getting bathed, and talking like himself, and then helped Desty get the new tube in place.

The other issue has been his blood pressure, which has been consistently a bit higher than they would like. There are two ways they were measuring the pressure. One is the traditional cuff around his left arm which takes a reading every hour or so. The other was an arterial (art) line in his right arm. The art line was becoming unpredictable as to its accuracy, one minute incredibly high, the next very low, and so they finally just gave up on that one. No more art line!

Then Ben's luck of the Irish continued with a raffle held in the Brown Family Life Center. Apparently someone donated some Nintendo DS Lites. In order to be entered in the raffle, the patient child had to have parental permission. The nice folks in the center called me and asked for my permission to enter Ben's name, and he was one of the winners! Now, I wonder if he'll like playing with a DS?

Our other activity for the morning was a "cleanout" as Ben had about half a dozen bowel movements which are removing old blood left over from last week's huge bleeding episode. That movement is not pleasant, but it is a necessary and good thing.

Today and yesterday have been gorgeous Springlike days in Chicago. I have enjoyed getting out for a couple rather lengthy walks and deep breathing. Chicago is an absolutely beautiful city, especially on clear, sunny days, and the hospital's location in Lincoln Park is one of the nicer north Chicago neighborhoods. Come visit us. If you come at meal time we can enjoy a great Chicago eatery together, and a brief visit with Ben.

All about time for healing

2010-03-16T19:37:00.003-05:00

Today was basically fine. The magic words now are "time to heal." Still has the ng tube. He did pass a stool last night. Basically they don't think his digestive system is ready for anything yet, including liquid. So he waits, with a remarkable degree of patience and grace.

The main challenge today was playing with his blood pressure. They'd like to get him off nicardapine, but every time they try his blood pressures get higher than they'd like for the healing he needs to do. So they keep him on a low dose. We think this will regulate better once he's able to eat.

Really, that's all the news today. It was quiet, and he is ready to sleep tonight.

One minor crisis was averted when Valor, Ben's trusty lion of courage, took an unauthorized side trip to the soiled linen basket. Fortunately we realized it and sent out a search party before the laundry worker came and swept him away! Valor is restored to his rightful place at Ben's shoulder.

Now we can rest easy tonight.

Steady as he goes

2010-03-15T20:58:00.002-05:00

Today is good news from a parent's standpoint, and tolerable news from a patient's viewpoint. A few small changes, but nothing too dramatic. The good news is that his blood levels are healthy again on their own. Apparently they've had enough time to get themselves back in order. Also, at least two i.v. lines came out today, including one in his groin. We had a few anxious moments this afternoon when his swollen leg was looked at to rule out a clot, but in the end the swelling is a bi-product of having that line in the groin, not a clot. We thank God for the little bits of good news!

The place where Ben's tolerance is being tested is with the ng tube in the nose. It is a very heavy tube, pulling heavy bile, and is terribly uncomfortable and makes him gag since it runs down the back of his throat. But he is being as good a sport as anyone could expect. Maybe tomorrow or the next day for that one. I think they will try to get him on some clear liquids before they remove that tube.

Ben also had a sponge bath, got his hair washed, sat up in the chair for a short time, and did his acapella breathing exercises. One respiratory therapist calls it the "flutterbug" because it's designed to blow into instead of suck in like most breathing exercisers. When he blows out it, well, flutters!

The surgical team and G.I. folks have been coming around a good bit. A couple of the doctors from last week were out of town over the weekend and were concerned when they heard that Ben had ended up requiring surgery. We really appreciate the genuine concern, excellent care, and personal investment of nearly everybody here at Children's!!

While of course no one can say for sure how much longer we'll be here, it looks like at least another week. I'm sure they won't release him until they're sure that he is as good as he can be short of regaining strength and energy.

Kim and Jon both spent lots of the weekend at the hospital, with Kim taking Saturday and Sunday nights. Now it's Jon's turn again, probably until Thursday night. Gma & gpa L are sticking around a few more days - we really appreciate them being here! - and then the gparents S are coming back for next week. Grandparents are GREAT!

Ben and I are hopeful that we can get a little sleep this evening.

Thanks for all your encouragement, expressions of support, and prayers.

skyline

2010-03-15T20:55:00.002-05:00

The view from the top of Children's Hospital parking garage on a lovely, clear Chicago evening. Not the best quality, but trust me, it is beautiful!

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ben & valor

2010-03-14T18:44:00.002-05:00

Ben was trying to smile, but it came out a little squinty.

Still has the ng tube from stomach, and a few I.v.s. He's had a pretty good day, a few visitors, a bath, and a bunch of breathing treatments.

Yeah Ben! Small steps for big gains. Thank God!
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Have we been here before?

2010-03-12T22:00:00.002-06:00

Well, talk about ups and downs, and another stressful day. After a fantastic day yesterday, everything started "down the skids" overnight. They had to give Ben blood and determined that he was losing enough that they needed to check the ulcer again.

At 1:00 p.m. they took him in for a scope. They were able to do the scope without intubating, for which we were glad. The ulcer was still bleeding and a few of the clips that they had placed on Monday had come off. They re-clipped, did a bit of cauterizing, and injected some medicine. They thought they had "fixed" the problem. The procedure was long, taking almost three hours.

Unfortunately about an hour and a half after he returned to his room he stooled blood. They turned him to the side to clean him up, and he vomited blood. The good news suddenly turned bad. The doctors made a very quick decision that he need emergency surgery to stop the bleeding.

At 6:00 p.m. he was in the O.R. By 7:30 the surgeon reported to us that they indeed found a major bleed of one of the arteries in the intestinal wall at the point of the ulcer. The hard truth is that Ben was in very serious, life-threatening condition, and it was the aggressive and decisive actions of the nurses, doctors and surgeons which once again saved Ben's life. They were able to keep replacing his blood between his vomiting and getting to the O.R., and so they feel that they averted any permanent damage.

Kim and I returned to his room about 9:00 p.m. He is intubated and will be kept very quiet for the night and into tomorrow. The main things they will be watching for are signs of additional bleeding which could be caused by failure of the stitches; infection which is a heightened risk because the repair involved the "messy" GI system; liver and pancreas blockages because the surgery was near the point where these two organs deposit their waste into the intestinal track; (one other risk, as if those aren't enough, that we can't remember).

The heart surgeon has reported that his heart is doing well. They are of course having to balance which medications they need to give for the GI issues with what needs to be done to keep the heart healthy. I'm sure it will be a dance which will continue for many days.

Kim was at the hospital today, and lived through the trauma of the downturns in Ben's condition. Jon was at the office for meetings and headed to the hospital as soon as they learned of the emergency surgery. Noah and Lydia are with grandpa L at the house. Grandma L is receiving her own treatment overnight at St. Joe's for rehydration, a regular necessity for her health.

We are exhausted and tired of seeing our dear Ben go through such trauma. He has been remarkably strong, cooperative, and loving through this whole ordeal. You, our friends and faith community, are our strength and such significant vessels of God's love. While feeling pretty much beat up at the moment, we are blessed in many ways, and we know it and celebrate it.

Good day

2010-03-11T22:35:00.002-06:00

Overall a good day for Ben. Hemoglobin has improved. I.V.s have been stopped. Clear liquids are back on the menu. Sponge-bathed. Up in the chair. Even a walk.

And LOTS of big smiles:-)

Kim's taken over the hospital shifts while Jon checks back in at home and this weekend's board meetings.

We thank God for healing, and for all those who participate in and contribute to the process.
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End of day # whatever

2010-03-10T21:13:00.002-06:00

The conclusion of today is pretty simple. Ben is stable, seems to be maintaining his blood levels and is totally free of oxygen assists. They have scheduled an endoscopy for tomorrow at 1:00 p.m., but they will reassess the need in the morning. The GI docs think its necessary, the heart surgeon would like them to wait a few days.

Ben's spirits have been good today. He smiled a lot, cracked a few jokes, made some new friends with the staff, had a sponge bath and generally a fine day. He is a great patient, polite and cooperative.

That's about it for tonight. Kim came in to see Ben this evening and I'll stay one more night before we change shifts. Good night.

life beyond

2010-03-10T17:53:00.002-06:00

There is life outside the Children's Hospital tower. Lake front is only a dozen blocks away!
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Playing out

2010-03-10T11:15:00.004-06:00

Today we are waiting to see how the blood levels play out. His hemoglobin has remained pretty stable overnight. They watch this as an indication of internal bleeding. If it goes down it means he's losing blood somewhere. This morning he has had a couple of bowel movements which are bloody. They think it's probably old, dry blood from before the repair of the ulcer, but they are not sure.

The current plan is to monitor, give blood if necessary, keep his system empty so it can heal, and then repeat an endoscopy tomorrow (Thursday) at 1:00 p.m. I was hoping they would not feel the need to do another scope because it will most likely mean one more occasion of sedation and intubation. The GI docs and the cardiologists will have to talk that one through.

Ben slept pretty well last night, but is tired again this morning. Dad didn't sleep so well through the activity in the room next door where the young girl died after having been on hospice care.

They had Ben up in the chair this morning and will get him up again a few times today. His lungs seem to be better and he's off the BiPAP now. He looks like he's reclining on the beach when he crosses his legs and relaxes in his bed!

More posts later as more info is known.

Steady

2010-03-09T21:36:00.002-06:00

Today has mostly been steady. His hemoglobin, which indicates whether or not he might be losing blood somewhere has been pretty steady, although it was just a little lower this evening. So they'll keep watching that.

He's been on the BiPAP, and continues on it tonight, although he had several periods off it to do breathing treatments and to get small drinks of water.

He sat up in the chair for an hour or so twice today, and has looked pretty good for most of the day. He was tired tonight, but that was expected since he really didn't rest during the day.

Our two room "suite" is sad because the little girl next door didn't make it. Her family has been with her since we've been here.

At this point I think I'm just functioning by numb exhaustion. I know we still have several more days in here, assuming there are no additional setbacks with Ben's health and that he continues to improve slowly but steadily. Given his earlier challenges, I'm pretty sure they'll be extra cautious in releasing him this time.

We continue to be encouraged by your notes, expressions of support and faith-filled prayers.

Second twenty four, day 18

2010-03-09T10:58:00.003-06:00

Well, this is the second day of our current stay, and day 18 in the hospital since February 17. Ben passed his previous record of 17 days set when he was an infant. We were there for all of those, too, as were many of you.

Today is a positive day. They put Ben back on the BiPAP last night at about 11:00 p.m. because his oxygen saturation was low again. The BiPAP is much better than the breathing tube! His numbers are good and he will take turns being on and off the BiPAP throughout the day. There is some fluid in his lungs which they are trying hard to keep on top of.

The bleeding from the ulcer appears to have stopped. After lots of donor blood yesterday (7 units plus other additives), he has not required any overnight. He's been cleared to gradually take clear liquids. He's happy about the "cleared" part; not so happy about the "gradually" part. I think he's feeling better because he's whining (through the mask, not so effective) about being thirsty. I'm sure he is. Now he says he's hungry, too.

So today is lung rehab, continue healing from the ulcer, take in small amounts of liquid, and rest. Tomorrow he will likely have a follow-up scope to double check the ulcer repair. Hopefully they can do that without intubating him again!

When the breathing mask is off, his color is good and his eyes are beginning to recover their sparkle and life.

He's making more friends with a whole different group of nurses and doctors. We kid him and say that he just wanted to come back because he hadn't met EVERYBODY yet. They like Ben as a patient and love Ben as a young man.

Again we are blessed with God's love and comfort expressed through you who take the time to read this blog and continue to lift Ben and our family up through your prayers and expressions of support.

36 hours up and down

2010-03-08T21:47:00.003-06:00

Sunday morning Ben had a positive breakthrough. While Kim, Jon, Lydia and Noah were at church, Ben was home with gma & gpa L. At @ 10:00, about the time the Highland Avenue CoB congregation was praying for Ben, apparently he got hungry and ate a nice, early lunch.

We returned home to a brighter-eyed, more bubbly Ben.

Ben entertained a couple brief visits on Sunday afternoon, and then was very tired in the evening, something that seemed quite natural since he had been up virtually all day.

At about 7:15 Ben was in bed in his room when we heard vomiting. The short story is that it was blood and a clot, and it was coming out both ends. We immediately called the doctors at Children's who told us to take him immediately to our local emergency room. As we prepared to put Ben in the van, he got faint and had a very strange look on his face. We called the ambulance.

After initial treatment at Sherman Hospital in Elgin, Ben was transported by ambulance back to Children's, arriving at about 11:30 p.m., and taken right to the picu, which we have become quite familiar with.

Overnight he continued to pass blood and had a good amount of blood given to him, along with other medical tests and interventions. Around noon today they performed an endoscopy which resulted in the discovery of a very sizable ulcer in the duodenum. Clamps were applied to lessen its size, control the bleeding, and a regiment of medications has begun.

Tonight Ben is resting at the hospital. Kim and Jon returned home for a few hours to rest and gather items for what will likely be another multiple-day stay at the hospital.

We are grateful that this episode was not related to his heart. In fact the staples were removed from his incision while he was sedated for the endoscopy. We are concerned, however, for the toll such a loss of blood will have on Ben, and for the healing that needs to take place now in his lower belly. He also was under anesthesia and intubated again, and so until a day or two has passed we are concerned that his lungs and oxygen levels are sustained and do not regress like the first time he was intubated for heart surgery.

I will continue to give updates tomorrow. Thank you for surrounding us with your prayers and support.

Ben says "Thank You!"

2010-03-07T15:49:00.005-06:00

Slow steps

2010-03-05T16:01:00.002-06:00

In spite of being home, it was not a very restful night! Ben was on hospital schedule, up every 60 or 90 minutes from about 12:30 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. That meant that mom and dad were up quite a bit, too.

Today has been good. We're trying to balance Ben's need and desire for rest and his body's need for the same plus food and activity. He's had a few bites of this and that and is drinking a lot of water and Gatorade. He went downstairs and we had him sit in the family room la-z-boy for a couple hours, then took a little walk outside on this sunny, clear day. The rest of the time's been spent relaxing in his bed.

Kim and I are trying to get caught up on bills and household errands, she spent a couple hours doing childcare for the family she works for, and I've been multitasking with some work responsibilities as well. It's nice having gma & gpa L here to help with some of the stuff around the house. It's hard to keep gma sitting still!

So here's hoping that a balanced day for Ben and a busy day for the rest of us will translate into a better night's sleep tonight.

I'm sure Ben's slow steps will turn into passionate dashes and joyful drumming before we know it.

Home

2010-03-04T22:23:00.000-06:00

Home.

There's not much more to say. We're glad to be home.

The day started with the wait for the doctors to do rounds. As expected, Ben got the go-ahead for discharge. Then the discharge process began, which lasted several hours. Our nurse Christina and the CVN Emily were great with trying to keep things moving.

The big thing was getting the two monitors that Ben wore home. One is a 24 hour monitor to give the doctors a report of the first day out of the hospital. The other is one that he will wear for a month to monitor him for any incidents of heart block. Both are considered precautions.

We were all packed and ready to go. I had cleaned out my room at Ronald McDonald house and we were waiting. At about 1:30 p.m. we were literally heading out the door, and I was helping Ben tie his shoes when he had a gagging spell and vomited. Well, that immediately suspended the discharge while they had Ben eat something and show that he could keep it down for an hour. We got him to eat part of a pbj and drink some Gatorade and he met the criteria. We finally left just before 3:00 p.m.

Ben was very enthusiastic about heading home. He was commenting on all of the sights and sounds of the city on our way out the Kennedy. Fortunately traffic was not too bad. We arrived home in about an hour.

He was so excited to get home that as soon as we pulled in the driveway, he threw the door open and started climbing out. I had to slow him down so that I could pull up to the sidewalk. Once we did get out he wanted to run up the sidewalk. Whoa there young man!! He was so eager to get to his own bed, and so tired at that point, that he even tried taking the stairs two at a time!

Clearly we are all happy to be home. Obviously it will take some time for him to get his appetite back, but we'll encourage him with small steps. Now the work of finding a good pace of life at home for healing begins.

It's my turn to fill in as choir director at Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren for a few weeks, so I was able to go to rehearsal tonight. Singing the music of faith is tremendously healing. While my body is pretty much exhausted, my spirit was once again lifted up by the reminders of God's love and care, and by being in the presence of part of our church family.

Now, for sleep - in my own bed!

Last night, we hope

2010-03-03T21:08:00.002-06:00

Everything is lined up to go home tomorrow. He has met their medical criteria for discharge. He's pooping and peeing, albeit somewhat irregularly. He's eaten a little bit, graduating to a few bites of toasted cheese and apple this evening.

More importantly, his chest xrays, ekg and echocardiogram all looked good.

Ben's getting in and out of bed fairly regularly and with decreasing effort, and he met mom at the entrance to icu this evening when she arrived. He spent significant time sitting up in the chair, too. He took a couple good naps along the way today. I think he'll miss that adjustable hospital bed.

There will be a good deal of strength to rebuild and stamina to recapture, but he is on his way.

They'll be sending him home with a portable heart monitor which I'll learn more about in the morning prior to his discharge.

I'm sure that in a short amount of time Ben will be ready for some visitors at home, enjoying his favorite foods again, and playing those drums. It feels like we've ascended from the valley and are climbing toward those peaks of health and wholeness again.

Third week begins

2010-03-03T13:43:00.003-06:00

Day fifteen marks the beginning of week three. Impressive math, don't you think?! Actually, it's amazing how quickly one loses track of time in a place like this. I need this blog simply to remember when things happened; time has become a blur.

Last night was the first night that Ben has really slept since he arrived in the hospital. They put him to bed at around 7:00 p.m. and he slept until 1:00 a.m., he spent a few hours awake, and then around 4:00 a.m. went back to sleep, which is how I found him when I arrived at his room at 7:00 a.m. He stayed asleep until 9:00 a.m.

Once he woke up there was a flurry of activity ranging from attempts to eat to sitting on the potty to a field trip to x-ray for a few chest views to a very long echodardiogram in his room to a sponge bath to a visit from Grandma & Grandpa L to a new dressing on his pic line.

Hopefully he's sleeping now while I have slipped out of the room for some lunch, to post this blog, and to assess how far behind I really am at work.

We expect that if the eating comes around even a little bit that they will release him tomorrow. He'll be on a portable heart monitor at least for a few days just to keep track of things, but other than that we think he'll be "tube free" and with a limited amount of medication.

That's good news for all of you. Only a couple more blogs from the hospital and then hopefully less frequent updates of Ben's continued progress. Plus, if he gets out tomorrow, it will be day 16, one day shy of his 17 day stay as an infant.

We receive the blessing of God as offered through you, our friends and family, with deep gratitude.

First meal attempt

2010-03-03T09:58:00.001-06:00

Hungry for pancakes, until they were in front of him. Still lots and lots of air in his system which is hurting him and delaying his appetite. Lunch was a tiny bit better: few bites of applesauce, chocolate pudding, and roll.

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Topping off two weeks

2010-03-02T18:49:00.002-06:00

Ben topped off his second week at Children's Memorial with a stroll along the "long" route through I.C.U. This monumental walk was the capstone to a day that included: no more BiPAP; pacemaker wires removed; last chest tube drain removed; no more oxygen supplements; drinking water and juice; two walks; a sponge bath; and one exhausted boy.

There was an incredible amount of progress made today, so much so that they're thinking he might well be home before the weekend. The only thing standing in his way is the fact that he had a lot of stomach pain today and wasn't able to eat anything yet, but I have a hunch that if he rests well tonight, his appetite will begin to come back soon.

He changed rooms to make room for a more critical patient, but remains in the I.C.U.

It's good to see the sparkle in Ben's eye again and to get a gentle but full hug.

We continue to give thanks to God for this miracle of healing.

Morning, end of week two

2010-03-02T09:50:00.002-06:00

The bottom line is that things are going well.

Ben had a somewhat restless night, but it was fairly busy. Got cleaned up and hair washed. Took another walk. Started drinking apple juice. And then when they wanted him to sleep put that clunky BiPAP mask on him. His nurse was of the "busy" variety, so I'm sure she kept moving around him.

The other factor coming into play is that he's starting to feel the pain and discomfort that is normal after heart surgery. It's hard to tell exactly what's hurting him. He understandably has a hard time differentiating his pains, and then when he tries to describe where they are it adds another layer of confusion. Best we can tell is that it's a combination of some gas and stomach pain, and the sensitivity from the surgery. He still has a few wires and tubes that are uncomfortable.

So the good news for the day is that many of those tubes and wires are on their way out. They took his arterial line out of his left arm which is a great relief, especially for a lefty! They have taken a large number of his I.V.s off line. The pacemaker wires will come out if they feel like his heart is back to beating regularly on its own (he hasn't needed it now for two days or more) and finally the last chest tube can come out later today.

His tasks for the day are to continue his breathing therapy, to get up and walk a few times, to pee and poop, to begin eating in small doses. He wants to eat and then when we give him something he doesn't really want it. I think he's holding out for that Whopper.

Kim's back at work today, so Jon is parenting at the hospital. Ben's probably up for short visits now, and that should improve as the week progresses. It's good to call Jonathan before you would stop by, just to be sure.

We continue to celebrate the skill of surgery and the miracle of healing.

Non-essential, random thoughts

2010-03-01T20:10:00.003-06:00

A few things running through my mind, not essential to Ben's health, or mine for that matter....

I finally spelled "McDonald" right in my last post, and then corrected my sequence of misspellings in previous ones. My apologies to Ronald. You'd think I would know better as many cups of coffee as I've purchased from him this week.

When Ben was feeling bad and we weren't quite so sure how things would progress, there was a lot of unspoken solidarity with other parents in the icu. Somehow, though, when Ben rose from the bed and took his walk, the solidarity for me turned to a more acute sense of sadness for those parents whose journey will be so much longer than ours, and for those who will never take their child home alive from icu. We know it happens, and almost know how much it hurts.

I think I could live in the city. Walking to and from the hospital each day has its own sense of freedom and a healing rhythm to it. The access to all the essentials for daily life within walking distance is nice. And we love some of these old row homes. Of course Lincoln Park is pretty nice of its own merit.

When people are in the hospital for a long time, it is expensive. I don't just mean the hospital bill. Not sure I want to see that, but do thank my fellow employees at the CoB for helping our family get healthy again. But it's expensive just to be here: parking, traveling back and forth, eating even when trying not to spend too much on restaurants, and just managing the day by day needs of life. Again, it stretches us and so it's not hard at all to see how families go "belly up" after any kind of extended medical care.

Exhaustion will set in. When? It's hard to say, but I know it's coming.

Finally for tonight, I just don't know how people do this without the love and support of family and faith family. The love and strength of God is available to all who ask/seek/wait, true, but it surely is felt most tangibly through the care and generosity of other human beings. Thanks to all of you who have been human expressions of Christ to us during this time.

Lucky - and blessed - thirteen

2010-03-01T19:44:00.003-06:00

What a day.

Ben started the day on the ventilator and ended the day with a walk out into the hallway and back. In between a great number of, and number of great, things took place.

Tubes removed: breathing tube; two of three chest tubes; ng tube; catheter

Medications stopped: well, quite a few, I've lost track, but he gave up some of the heavy-duty ones that were keeping him so sleepy.

Path toward food: he has been able to take clear liquids. He wants a Whopper with cheese and french fries.

Movement: He has gotten up twice, the first time to sit in the chair, the second time to take his walk. Other than that he is moving himself around in bed and returning to his feisty, insistent self.

Sleep: He was exhausted at evening's end. They are having him sleep with the BiPAP machine tonight, mostly as a continued support for his healing lungs/breathing. He's not fighting it as much this time around.

Gma & gpa L visited today, and so did Pastor Audrey bringing a lovely card signed by much of the Highland Avenue congregation. Kim returned home tonight and will get back to work tomorrow. I will continue to stay at the hospital and Ronald McDonald House for the rest of this week. (Did I mention that the boiler went out at RMH, and that we only had frigid water this morning? Note says it will be fixed - tomorrow!)

No word yet on going home (everybody's just so thrilled about his progress!), but it would seem like maybe at or around the weekend might be possible if he continues his "meteoric rise" from today.

Thanks for the prayers that gave Ben new breath and rejuvenated life today and have sustained us with the Holy Spirit through these trying two weeks.

ben walks

2010-03-01T17:39:00.001-06:00

Ben's first trip out the door and back! I think he grew two inches.

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ben is up!!

2010-03-01T12:34:00.003-06:00

Here is one happy guy, finally up in a chair, doing well!!!

Praise God!

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Morning day thirteen

2010-03-01T10:22:00.002-06:00

We're hoping this is our lucky 13 today. The doctors came on rounds and have determined that they can try to take the breathing tube out a little later this morning. They did an echo of the diaphram just to make sure it was not damaged, and it looked OK, so they think they can go ahead.

Before they extubate they are also going to try to take a couple of his chest tubes out. His post-op drainage seems to be fine. They can do this before his pain medications are lowered a little post extubation.

After they extubate I think they will work him pretty hard with his breathing therapy, and they will put him back on the BiPAP for a while which will support his own breathing. It's a big, clunky mask, so we'll hope that he'll tolerate it this time around.

I believe the next 24 hours will be fairly nerve-racking as we watch for signs that he's on the road to a more permanent recovery. Thanks for including us in your morning and daylong prayers.

Evening, day twelve

2010-02-28T17:45:00.003-06:00

The day began with evidence of spring in some bulb shoots pushing through the ground in a little garden on the corner of one of the hospital buildings.

We're looking forward to a new springtime for Ben, but it's coming slowly. They've worked him pretty far down on the breathing tube today, but he is still experiencing these long periods of apnea in which he is so relaxed that he does not breath on his own, so they're forced to breath for him. Part of this may be drug-induced, but when the pain gets to be too much he gets agitated and then doesn't breath right, either. So they're taking it slowly and looking for signs that they might be able to get him off this machine tomorrow.

He has not lost any of his fighting spirit. Today he wanted milk to drink (of course he's not taking any liquids!) and then at one point he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and was ready to climb on out. When his breathing is right, he will be ready to go!

Kim's folks arrived today and that picked up Ben's spirits as well. Lydia and Noah stayed with us overnight on Saturday but have headed back home with gma and gpa for school this week. They are both looking forward to the ISATS this week (Illinois standardized testing). OK, they're not really looking forward to them, but they will be a change of pace for them.

Other than that, things are holding steady. We are hearing beeps in our sleep, and if we never hear another breathing machine alarm in our life it will be too soon.

The USA could have set off a wild celebration with a hockey victory, but at least they were gamers. We're gamers here, too, and hopefully one of these days soon we will have a wild celebration for Ben's restored health.

Nighttime day eleven

2010-02-27T19:48:00.002-06:00

Today was uneventful. Ben continues to be weaned for extubation, maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday.

His spirits are amazing. He still gives the thumbs up, signals for help with suction when he needs it, and lit up when the phone was put to his ear to hear his aunt's voice this afternoon. He certainly misses the things he likes best: talking and eating! Still trying and asking to do both!

Thanks to neighbors and friends who have helped out with the house and with Noah and Lydia. Jon picked them up this afternoon for an overnight at Ronald's House.

Not a whole lot else to say at the moment. We appreciate your ongoing prayers, cards, calls, and many expressions of support.

Good morning day eleven

2010-02-27T07:51:00.001-06:00

Not much to say this morning. We're glad that last night was uneventful. Ben rested reasonably well, and Kim and I did too.

This morning they re-taped his breathing tube where it goes into his mouth. It looks more comfortable now, with comfortable being relative of course. He knows when he needs suction and he summons the nurse with a wave of the hand.

They're also trying to reposition him occasionally to prevent bedsores.

Other than that things are holding steady and moving in the right direction as far as we can tell.

Will post any changes later.

End of day ten

2010-02-26T20:42:00.002-06:00

Today was a relatively quiet day. Ben has rested well, and is becoming an old salt with his breathing tube. When he needs suctioned he lets the nurse know.

The biggest things that happened today were the start of weaning him off of the nitric oxide and also the external pacemaker. His blood oxygen levels seem to be holding well and his heart rhythm is good on its own.

Other than that there is not much to say, which feels pretty good. The breathing tube will remain in for a couple days, at least until Sunday but probably will be removed on Monday if all is still going well.

Thanks for the help of many friends, and for mom & dad S who headed back east today and mom & dad L who will leave tomorrow to arrive Sunday here in Chicago. Noah and Lydia are being great "sports," too, during all of this ordeal. It's got to be hard to have older brother in such a scary place and requiring so much of mom and dad's attention.

Kim and I got out at dinner and had a fantastic meal at a little Mediterranean place across the street called Nesh. If you're in the area we'd highly recommend it! Probably the best meal we've had in the last ten days.

Christ's peace be with each of us and all of you throughout this night.

New day - Day ten

2010-02-26T07:38:00.003-06:00

Ben had a good night on the breathing machine. They took a lot of fluid off his lungs and the pulmonary edema has improved (liquid/blood in lungs). The doctors visited on rounds this morning and seem pleased with Ben's current condition and improvement. Another echo yesterday evening still indicates that the heart is doing well and not likely causing the issues with the oxygen exchange. They think the O2 issue is a result of collapsed portions of the lungs and fluid.

The plan is to keep him quiet on the breathing tube for the next day or two and to slowly wean him from it. Obviously they don't want to rush things and end up needing to put the tube back in a third time, so they will take a very measured approach to the next extubation.

He is resting comfortably, but had enough energy and alertness this morning to give us a thumbs up.

Once again we are so thankful for the medical staff. Our nurse today, Desty, is taking care of Ben for the third day. She is incredibly skilled, knowledgeable and caring, as all the nurses have been. We're learning a lot from her as she explains what's happening, what medications do, and interprets the doctors for us. The doctors, (Backer, Kaushal, Epstein, et al) and nurse practitioners, too, take a great deal of time and intention to help us understand what is happening with Ben and why they are making the decisions they do.

We journey onward.

Valor, Ben's lion of courage

2010-02-26T07:00:00.001-06:00

Valor has been at Ben's side through his surgery and remains there today. He represents courage and is a gift that carries with it the love of the Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren.

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Nine - end of day

2010-02-25T21:45:00.005-06:00

Sitting in Ben's room here at the end of day nine. It is a bit surreal. Today was a rocky day, but right now everything is quiet and the music is playing "Some children see him lily white," that gentle carol. Our nearly naked, light skinned, tube-infested son is lying exposed to the world on his hospital bed, but what we see is our beautiful Benjamin.

In an effort to figure out why his O2 levels won't stay up in his blood, they did an echocardiogram to look for fluid build-up and problems with blood flow. While they were doing the test, Ben started to say it hurt, and then he went into a sort of convulsive episode. It was very scary. The nurse called a "code" and the room was immediately full of doctors and nurses. At this point Ben was on the BiPAP, and his O2 dropped quickly.

I don't think there's anything more frightening to a parent than to be in the room when a code is called on their kid!

So the result of this scary episode was that Ben was immediately had the breathing tube put back in. They rushed him to CT scan because, as they explained later, he was symptomatic of a pulmonary embolism (clot in the lung). Fortunately they did not find one of those. They also did a quick scan of the brain which also was OK.

The doctors are noticeably puzzled about the oxygen saturation. For tonight they are keeping him on the breathing machine and pretty much asleep. We hope that tomorrow he will improved from the rest and/or the doctors will have discovered some other potential causes for the O2 deficiency.

After a very sleepless night for Kim and a short night for Jon, today has been long. One advantage, though, of Ben being on the breather is that we can hopefully get a good night's rest too. Kim had a nap and shower at Ronald McDonald House this afternoon while Jon made a trip back to Elgin to stop by the office, give Noah and Lydia a hug, and repack suitcases. Thank you to mom and dad S for helping keep things running at home, and for being with us right after the code episode.

We pray for God's powerful and miraculous hand of healing to brush over Ben during this night. Thanks for joining us in that prayer.

Ups and downs of recovery - Day 9

2010-02-25T09:37:00.004-06:00

Wednesday morning started with the joy of having the breathing tube removed. Ben immediately was hungry and wanted to get up. We thought he might at least sit up, but there have been concerns about the oxygen saturation in his blood. He was not able to keep those up on his own, and they progressed through medications and varieties of breathing apparatuses until he has ended up on a BiPAP, which is a pressurized breathing mask that forces extra air into Ben's lungs when he breaths. He doesn't like the face mask at all, and they're still trying to find a combination that is reliable and a little more comfortable.

Overnight his saturation levels fell to a level of concern that caused them to consider putting him back on the breathing tube. Kim was staying overnight in the icu, and called me shortly after 4 a.m., and I headed right over from Ronald MacDonald House. So far that has not been necessary.

The doctors are admittedly perplexed as to why he's having these saturation problems, so it looks like he's in for a sequence of tests this morning. The main things seem OK - his lungs are clear, he's passing fluid with the help of lasix, and so they're not really sure what's going on.

Ben just wants to get the tubes out, have a burger, and get back to business! He is a courageous and determined young man, although he did ask the doctor this morning if he was dying. The doctor of course said "no" and Ben seemed to go with that answer OK. Things don't seem critical, but there are still questions to be answered and of course a whole lot of healing to happen.

By the grace of God and with the support of a great medical team and all of your prayers and encouragement, we journey onward this day.

ben's morning after.jpg

2010-02-24T14:45:00.000-06:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Start of week 2

2010-02-24T13:42:00.005-06:00

Kim and I walked (a sort of miracle in itself from Kim's perspective - walking pain free) from the Ronald McDonald House to the hospital this a.m. through a nice, fresh dusting of snow. Many of these old row homes of Chicago are beautiful.

We were greeted by a droopy-eyed, but awake Ben who was anxious to have his breathing tube removed. We waited for the doctors to do rounds. The surgeons and much of the surgical team came by and gave Ben a good report. Like all post op patients, there is constant tinkering with his medications and pain management.

After an echocardiogram to make sure that the blood was flowing well in the newly repaired coronary artery, they were finally able to remove the breathing tube. He whispered "thank you" as soon as it came out. Now he's talking and wanting to know when the rest of these tubes can come out. Not for a few days, of course.

Kim and I got a good lunch at The Spicy Pickle and were greeted by Pastor Joel when we got back to Ben's floor. We appreciate our local faith community and wider church network so much, indispensable parts of our extended family.

Everyone says how well they think he is doing. We think so, too.

Surgery Day - evening update

2010-02-23T18:49:00.003-06:00

Well, still have not seen Ben, but he is now in i.c.u and all reports are that he is doing fine.

The surgical summary is this: they repaired stenosis (narrowing) of the aorta, common in Williams Syndrome, and fixed the left coronary artery as expected.

There were two surprises. One was that they had to utilize a procedure called the brom aoroplasty to repair the aorta. It turns out that our surgeon, Dr. Backer, literally wrote the article on this procedure. For those of you who are interested, you can read the article here.

The second surprise was that, like when he was an infant, rather than a narrowing there was actually a full obstruction of the left coronary artery. Again, it is a miracle that he did not have a major heart attack or other episode. The body apparently adapted by sending collateral arteries over to the left ventricle from the right to keep it pumping.

The heart is functioning with little assistance from medication, which is a good thing, and the increased blood flow to the heart muscle may well actually help a leaky mitral valve perform better. Overall Ben's heart health is excellent.

So we essentially have a double miracle son, especially considering all the physical activity that Ben has enjoyed this summer: shoveling snow, drumming, playing basketball, etc.

He'll remain pretty much asleep until sometime tomorrow morning when they'll begin to wake him up and take the initial steps of recovery.

Noah and Lydia hung in there all day. We've officially passed the 12 hour mark of waiting. We'll all take a peek in on Ben as soon as we're allowed to, and then Gma and Gpa S will take them home so that they can get to school on Wednesday and Thursday. Kim and I will get a night's rest at Ronald McDonald House, and then go back to alternate night stay-overs until Ben's released from the hospital, probably in about a week.

Again, thanks for all your concern, prayers, love and support. We'll continue to post updates as pertinent thresholds are crossed.

Surgery Day - afternoon update

2010-02-23T14:55:00.002-06:00

Ben's "chariot" arrived at 6:45 a.m. and took him to surgical prep area. Of course they'd been prepping him all night with sterile washes, dietary restrictions, and blood work.

Once in the surgical area we were greeted by the nurses, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon, all who were extremely kind, gentle, and assuring.

Right on schedule by 7:30 a.m. Ben was wheeled off to surgery. He went to sleep easily and they had no trouble getting the variety of i.v. lines in place once he was "under."

They entered the chest in the same place where he had his surgery as an infant. There was some question as to how long that would take given the scar tissue they expected to find, but apparently it was not too difficult.

Further images of the aorta indicated the need for a somewhat different procedure than they thought. Shortly after 2:00 p.m., we were informed that the repair work was all done on both the aorta and the l.c.a.

Currently we're waiting for the surgeon to visit and give us more details.

We appreciate all of your expressions of support and your prayers, and marvel at the ways technology can help keep us connected to the spiritual and human elements of our life together.

More tonight.

Monday Update, Tuesday surgery

2010-02-22T16:26:00.004-06:00

Sunday night was pretty restless. Between a roommate who was trying to recover from having his appendix removed to an abnormality in Ben's heart monitor which led to 2 a.m. blood draws and ekg (nothing to worry about) to an early awakening by doctors' rounds, there really wasn't much sleep for either of us.

What everyone wants to know; SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR 7:30 A.M. ON TUESDAY. Today has been a parade of doctors prepping us for tomorrow's events. We met the lead surgeon and got the 411 from the surgical nurse practitioner. Had pre-op blood drawn and ex-ray. Visit from the floor cardiologist. Anesthesiologist fellow came by.

Also there have been a bunch of phone calls for Ben, and some time spent in the Family Life Center. See the post on Jack's Mannequin and the picture of Ben taking a call from his classmates.

The family will be together for the surgery Tuesday. Got to love the Ronald McDonald House!

Thank you for the continued outpouring of support through your cards, calls, facebook/twitter notes, visits, varieties of kindnesses, and mostly your prayers. I'll tweet as info is available during surgery. You can follow those tweets directly or on the right side of this blog.

Ben's afternoon activity

2010-02-22T16:22:00.004-06:00

Ben enjoyed live music by the band Jack's Mannequin and he came away with a new CD, a t-shirt, and a signed poster!

Classmates bring cheer

2010-02-22T09:19:00.001-06:00

This is Ben receiving a call this morning from all of his classmates in Ms. Hawley's seventh and eighth grade class at Kimball Middle School. He was thrilled!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

ben feb 20.jpg

2010-02-21T21:49:00.000-06:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sunday, Day 5

2010-02-21T20:08:00.005-06:00

Ben started his day by welcoming a new roomate - at 5:00 a.m.! At least this one is more age-appropriate and won't be waking every 3 hours for a feeding, although early signs are that he may be a snorer.

I stayed home last night with Noah and Lydia. Kim and I are taking turns staying in the hospital with Ben. This morning we went to church with our wonderful faith family Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren. It was my turn to play the piano, but Nancy volunteered to cover for me; we ended up sharing the ministry. Amazing how the Word of God speaks in such a timely way. Main text was Psalm 91. "You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord." I sang the solo parts for the hymn And I will raise you up and also Steve Camp's Remember Me for communion,accompanied the kids choir (awesome song btw!) and also got to play one of my favorite hymns, Precious Lord, take my hand. There were a few times when the tears rose.

The expressions of concern, offers of help, and powerful prayers of the church were and are deeply appreciated. It was exhausting but so necessary and important to be there. Noah helped the Jr. High put out a great potato bar for lunch, and then I accompanied Lydia for a song in the talent show. (very proud of her, by the way, for her courage to get up and sing a solo!)

Ben is doing well. He got a new i.v. port put in, and the old one taken out. Left hand; apparently he told the nurse he was right handed; well, it is his mouse hand (computer), but he eats and does other things left handed. Silly boy!

He also got to hear a banjo today; one of the parents was playing in the family center. Ever the charmer, he promoted his drumming video with the nursing staff (here's one). He was very glad to see his grandma and grandpa Shively who arrived late this afternoon. Apparently he was very anxious for them and for dad and siblings to arrive, essentially driving his mom nuts as the day drew on! He enjoyed his hospital dinner, and then some of our family's pizza, too! His appetite is just fine.

The surgeon stopped by and talked with Kim. Still projecting Tuesday for surgery, but not making any promises. We hope to know more about an actual schedule tomorrow. Ben's situation is serious, but not an emergency, so it won't surprise me at all if we go into Wednesday or Thursday before surgery. It's hard to wait, but I think it would be harder to have been sent home and then worry about what might happen until his surgery was scheduled.

Again appreciated a number of calls and contacts from you, our friends. May each of you be held in the comforting palm of God's hand, just like we are being held.

Two sides of the coin

2010-02-20T09:35:00.007-06:00

Up and at 'em early this morning. Night not too bad; slept in about 3-4 hour increments between feedings of the baby in the room and taking vital signs. The ear plugs and eye cover really helped dad!

Ben is doing fine. He seems to be adapting to his surroundings, and with the wireless internet here he is now able to watch his youtube video favorites - firefighters at work, demolition sites, and drummers. A shower and a shave have him feeling (and smelling) "human" again.

So apparently there is a initiative with Navy sailors stationed in the area for them to come to the hospital and play with the kids. "Operation White Hat." Sailor Josh came to the room to ask if Ben wanted to do something, so they're off playing video games. I must confess that it feels pretty awkward given the fact that we firmly believe that the military represents commitments antithetical to the kingdom of God. But then again serving one another and building relationships is right on with the K.o.G. Josh seems like a fine young man, but we really don't support what it is he's chosen to do with his life. For now, Ben appreciates the activity and diversion, and we do, too. Sometimes our gratitude and our protest are two sides of the same coin.

The Janice and Kimberly Brown Family Life Center here is FANTASTIC! Activities, friendly space, books, videos, games, lots of artwork the kids have done, projects they can work on, a wall with posters and signatures of lots of famous people that have visited/volunteered, and a whole team of volunteers to keep things fun. And there's a huge lego project of a hotdog with all the fixin's, although it's not a true Chicago dog with all that ketchup on it!

The waiting continues. Thanks for waiting with us!

Day three and a tree

2010-02-19T20:09:00.002-06:00

Day three is drawing to a close. If only the baby in the other side of the room weren't so agitated, we might be able to get some sleep. Actually, Ben seems to do OK in spite of the noise.

Ben had a busy day, with activities this morning which included potting his own plant/tree for his room and making a cool collage with pictures of firefighters, a steamboat, jazz musicians, and an elk. He had some visitors today, too, so he has some fun new comic books and a book of fire engines.

Overall, he's doing OK. The surgeon visited this morning and explained again what the problem is and what they think they'll need to do to fix it. His explanations shook Ben up a little bit, especially the part of cutting him open and there being blood. It shakes all of us up!

Noah asked the other day if there's a chance Ben won't make it. Yes, there is that chance, I said, but he has great doctors and God is watching out for our special Ben. God will give us the strength to deal with whatever lies ahead. Of course we expect a successful surgery and quick recovery!

Again, it's another day that reminds us of our very dear, and wide, network of friends. Thanks for your calls, cards, emails, facebook and twitter notes, and visits.

We rest another night to meet the challenges and possibilities of a new day.

How to describe

2010-02-19T09:18:00.004-06:00

How do you describe to a 14 year old, let alone one with Williams Syndrome, what he is facing? Here's what open heart surgery means to Ben right now.

Blood. Feeling pain. Not be able to participate in his Special Olympics track & field and bowling activities this Spring. Blood. Are they going to use tools on me? (Ben loves tools, but not too sure about when they're used on him) Missing his friends at school. No gym class, basketball. No shoveling or mowing. I don't think he's realized that he won't be playing his drums for a month or two - that one will be REALLY tough.

So the surgeon visited him this morning and basically repeated what we've already heard. Surgery early next week. Fix that left coronary artery, with a variety of options for doing that which they won't know until they "get in there." This surgery is of the chest-cracking variety, much like he had as an infant.

Ben's a trooper and a real sweetheart. If you never met him, well, I hope you have a chance to one day soon, when he's back to playing those drums, working with his friends at school, and doing those things he loves to do.

First twenty four

2010-02-18T18:11:00.004-06:00

I brought Ben to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago on Wednesday the 17th for what we thought was a "baseline" MRI and CT scan of his heart. As a child with Williams Syndrome and having had heart surgery as an infant, we have been constantly monitoring his heart and artery health, so we expected this to be one more insight into their condition.

Insight we got, and it has led to a several day wait in the hospital while surgery is scheduled to open a nearly blocked coronary artery.

This is our second stay in a Children's Hospital, our first being in Los Angeles 14.5 years ago when Ben was first diagnosed with a critical heart condition and then Williams Syndrome. These hospitals are fantastic, from the kid-friendly facility to the highly skilled and caring nurses, doctors and surgeons. Chicago is also a teaching hospital, so there are crowds that regularly form around the beds of patients.

Ben, with his charming personality, makes permanent friends during these stays, and I expect nothing less from our next weeks of time spent in Children's.

These are anxious times because one never knows what surgery like this will entail, nor how it will turn out, but we're confident he's in the best of medical hands.

We're also so deeply grateful for family, friends and Christian sisters and brothers around the country and world who are already joining us in prayer. God will provide the strength, peace, and healing for the days ahead, and we appreciate the intercession and encouragement from each of you.

I will try to add some thoughts to this blog as we move through this process. The blog can be a little more extensive than facebook or twitter, where you'll still get the shorthand version of immediate updates on our journey.

Biggest question?

2010-02-09T20:03:00.000-06:00

I am more and more convinced that the elephant in the room for the church is money. Actually, it's not money per se, but rather the economy of church. We Christians, especially those of us who make up organized churches of North America, are so entrenched by our economics that we don't even see the impact it's having on our discipleship, our witness, our ability to live forward into the kingdom of God.

The issues are so deep that the only recourse is deep change. Robert Quinn describes the realities of deep change in his book of the same title. When deep change is considered or required, it means that people, individuals must change. That means me, so this is going to be hard!

In using the framework of economics, I'm not retreating from the significance of theology. If anything, it is our theology related to money (and its relationship to power) that matters most. This is not a pro- or anti- wealth argument. It's an application argument.

The church as it is today sustains an economy that is both separate from and yet dependent upon the wider economies of the world. It takes its wealth and first distributes it within itself. Secondarily it sends it back into the world.

Theologically speaking, would it not be more faithful to reframe 100% of the financial resources in the context of the kingdom? In such a scenario our churches would not serve as bi-polar conduits, but would rather re-economize everything we identify as resources.

What am I thinking? One example might be that rather than soliciting donations for the ministries of the church and relying on the charitable tendencies of individuals and fund raising expertise, our fiscal responsibility would become a central piece once again of our discipleship. Rather than becoming experts at fundraising (extracting money from our "constituents") or special appeal respondents, we might focus on helping one another express this aspect of discipleship, managing our resources not for ourselves, not for the church, but rather for the greater good of the kingdom of God.

At the least we start by asking the question.

Church planting conference

2010-01-31T08:30:00.003-06:00

You're invited to Plant Generously, Reap Bountifully, the new mission/church planting conference of the Church of the Brethren. May 20-22, 2010 are the dates. Richmond, IN on the campus of Bethany Theological Seminary is the place.

Information and online registration are available here. Plant Generously, Reap Bountifully.

Snow extreme

2010-01-31T07:26:00.002-06:00

I was fortunate (I think) to arrive in Baltimore yesterday before the weather was at its worse. Unfortunately, I was on the interstate during the height of the snowfall and ice.

Personally I don't mind driving in snow. I've been doing it since I began driving as a teen. What I do mind, though, are the other drivers on the road. A few out-takes, lightly edited, from my internal dialog as I headed west on I-70.

"This Ford Taurus rental is BAD on slippery roads. Big, heavy, poor traction, and yet comfortable enough to not always realize how poorly it's connected to the road."

"Gee, that car that is now in the ditch almost ran into my passenger side door doing about 65 mph."

"I don't care if you have no regard for your own life, buddy, but I have a wife and three kids at home. Have some regard for mine!"

"Mr semi-driver, are you familiar with the concept 'jack-knife'?"

"That Ford Astro is going way too fast . . . look at him spin . . . smack - into the concrete median . . . bounce into the left lane of traffic . . . stop in the path of that tractor trailer - I hope it can get by him."

"My head is killing me. This is the most stressful drive I've had in, well, maybe ever."

"Would you either slow down or speed up or at least be steady? Repeated touching of brakes exponentially increases your chances of spinning out and taking the rest of us with you."

"That driver must really be from Florida."

How thankful I was to make it to my overnight destination without incident. As I get ready to head back out today, I am hoping that the roads have had a bit of time to clear, and that the crazy drivers will decide to stay home and watch the pro-bowl (although who really wants to watch that?).

Thank God for a beautiful snowfall, for a safe journey, and for the chance to move into the adventures of a new day.

Joy of the game

2010-01-24T20:44:00.002-06:00

Today was Special Olympics basketball for our son Ben's U-46 Blue Stars team. Use of the descriptor "basketball" may not be entirely accurate. Our team was soundly beaten in two games. Most of our kids have very little aggression in them on the court, so defense, rebounding, and passing the ball are all pretty foreign concepts for these mostly middle-schoolers.

But, there is an unmistakable JOY in the game for them. After each (rare) basket made, there are high fives all around, huge smiles, and extra energy in the step. They're so happy, in fact, that they usually allow the opposing team an unimpeded path to the basket for the next play or two.

Making just one basket during the day absolutely makes the day for Ben, and the other kids as well.

And sportsmanship is generally the rule. If one kid gets hurt, the kids on both teams feel their pain.

Parenting a son with Williams Syndrome is not easy. But in those moments of unfiltered joy, such as one basket made, the effort is worth it. The big, sweaty hugs and pride of achievement on our son's face remind us that we have the privilege of seeing life through Ben's eyes and reveling in small, unconventional blessings. We've been entrusted by God with this precious gift, and for that I am thankful.

I'm also thankful for the volunteer coaches and tournament organizers. What a great gift they give the kids and each of our families.

All the leadership in the world

2010-01-23T11:36:00.000-06:00

Organizations and agencies won't be the means by which the church will return to its primary vocation, which is intimately living the story of Jesus. The witness of the gospel of Jesus Christ will impact the world one disciple at a time, and will be nurtured in communities of disciples not focused primarily on being THEIR community, but which are focused on living INTO an ever-expanding VISION of God's reconciling kingdom.

I won't go as far as saying that organizations or denominations are not important. They provide a leadership role. But in the end, the primary locus of evangelism begins with the Holy Spirit, transacts through individual connections, and roots itself out into the world from the soil of rich communities of support, worship, practice, and preparation.

If we're going to evangelize, represent the life and ministry of Jesus Christ in the world, it will require me, and it will require you, to be, as the apostle Paul says, ambassadors for Christ each and every moment of every day.

What if . . .

2010-01-17T08:32:00.000-06:00

We need more "what if" thinking and less satisfaction with our safe and comfortable answers.

The need to end poverty is at the top of the agenda for Christian Churches Together. We have an ambitious vision to reduce poverty in the U.S. by 50% in the next ten years. That bold goal has been challenged by the economic conditions of the last two years. It's not the vision that's being challenged though, only our imagination, creativity and courage to pursue it.

There are lots of good ideas on the table. Likely a day of advocacy lies in our future, a day for showing solidarity with ministries laboring 24/7 to combat homelessness and hunger. Signs were good that giving to churches increased while giving to other service agencies declined, suggesting that church folks are willing to dig a little deeper when times get tougher.

But where are the "what ifs" for really getting to this problem??

Let me suggest a few. Feel free to add your own.

What if collaboratives of five or six churches of different traditions from the same neighborhood got together, decided to close or sell all but one of their facilities, share the remaining space, and redirect all of the resources that go to turn on the heat, repaint the exterior, fix the roof, clean the carpet, and so on, redirect those resources toward transforming the lives of impoverished neighbors? What if . . .

What if we rethought our forms of ministry and reallocated money we invest in supporting clergy salary packages and paid ministry in our congregations? What if . . .

What if one family or teams of three or four families decided that they would ensure that one neighboring family which is facing poverty has what they need to get back on their feet, no matter how long it takes, whatever it costs? What if . . .

What if every congregation actually tithed ten percent of its income? Or gave 25% away? Or designated 50% to go to direct ministry in the local community and around the world? What if . . .?

There are lots of "what ifs" that could help alleviate poverty. Once we've thought of them, then it's time to act.

Beautiful imagery in prayer

2010-01-13T12:31:00.002-06:00

"O great and most high God, worshiped in Holy Trinity;
pre-eternal Nature and super-essential Grandeur;
inscrutable Power and ineffable Authority;
Source of wisdom and truly unsearchable Sea of goodness;
thou, O Master who lovest mankind, art God who wrougth wonders before the ages.

"No mind can comprehend thee, and no word is able to explain.

"We pray thee now, look down upon us they humble and unworthy servants.
And grant to our mind the spirit of wisdom and understanding,
and to our tongue utterance worthy of reaching the hearing of thy goodness and of obtaining the mercy of thy grace;
for man's power both to will and to act cometh from thee and from they vivyfying gift."

-from theEastern Orthodox Order of Lesser Blessing of the Water

Evangelism intersections

2010-01-12T23:45:00.003-06:00

Quick thoughts on evangelism, unprocessed but stimulated through several great encounters in the last 36 hours.

Jim Henderson of Off the Map is working on a spirituality of the service of listening. Had a great conversation with Jim about how as Christians we think that our primary communication strategy with "outsiders" or "non-believers" is telling. What if, instead, we were to understand our primary mission as listening? Jim also is working on an initiative for churches who would benefit from an "insultant" rather than a consultant. Check out church rater. Jim will be one of our main speakers at Plant Generously, Reap Bountifully May 20 - 22 (info and registration up SOON!).

Then today Pastor Jeremy Ashworth of the Covington Community Church of the Brethren gave me a networking, emerging pastor's tour of Seattle. We did a lot of "real-estate" sightseeing and Jeremy filled me in on some intense relational research he's been doing about Seattle area emerging ministries. We checked out Mars Hill Graduate School, Mars Hill church campus in Ballard, Quest, CODA, a refugee resettlement program, China town for fantastic lunch, and of course Covington Community CoB. My favorite was a very gracious tour by Pastor Paul Olver of the Rainier Avenue Church. When you check out their website, note how multicultural the church is, how their leadership is structured, and their commitment to their community.

Tonight the Christian Churches Together in the USA meetings started. Here are tidbits. Dr. Mel Robek (Fuller Seminary) chastised us for lacking "ecumenical imagination" and then challenged us to 1) trust one another 2) set aside our desire to receive credit 3) agree on what constitutes evangelism 4) no proselytising [taking people away from their current faith family].

Guest Michael Kinnamon, executive director of the National Council of Churches USA brought greetings and urged us to remember that unity in Christ supercedes our differences. Kinnamon made strong overtures for collaboration and cooperation between NCC and CCT, asserting that we cannot afford (at multiple levels) to have "competing" ecumenical organizations.

Preacher Aimee Moiso reminded us that many of the stumbling blocks Christians have to sharing the gospel are of our own making. Our own shortcomings along with our historical sins serve as barriers to the sharing and receiving of the gospel.

Much to think about at the end of an exhausting day, and two full days of engagment with CCT still to follow.

Roses, excellence

2010-01-01T10:17:00.003-06:00

Once again the New Year begins with the Rose Parade. One of the regrets of our seven years in Southern California is that we never got to Pasadena on New Year's day, although we did go one year to view the floats post-parade. The detail and labor intensity of these creations is absolutely incredible!

There must be some insights in such a production. I can think of a few: Hard work and attention to detail go hand in hand and lead to quality. Vision, skill, and effort come together to create beauty. Such beauty provides inspiration and invites motivation. What insights do you draw from the Tournament of Roses Parade?

"A Cut Above the Rest," the theme for this year's parade, may serve us well in the new year, a commitment to do and be our best, and to bring out the beauty that is inherent in the tools and materials that God provides for our artistry.

Happy New Year!

Better door than window

2009-12-31T17:52:00.002-06:00

This phenomena repeats itself frequently in our household. I'm trying to watch a game on TV or we're watching a movie, and son number one Ben rambles into the room, and into the viewing path. No matter which seat we've chosen with what angle to the screen, Ben finds a way to stand in the direct line of sight.

As I was growing up, the Shively household would exclaim under these circumstances, "You make a better door than window!" Ben's a fantastic door at times!

Entering this new year, I'm wondering what other line-of-sight obstructions keep coming up, those things which cause clear vision to be blocked, goals to be interrupted, purpose to be distracted. It's fairly easy to get Ben to move out of the way; not so easy to peer around some of these other distractions.

And there's always the turnabout scenario, when my kids catch me ambling into a room and stopping directly in front of their vision field. "Dad, you make a better door than a window." I'm sure it happens in other areas of life too, where I get in the way of others, maybe even in God's way.

So for this new year, I'm going to try to be a better window than a door, or at least if I end up being a door, I'll try to be an open one.

Webcasts coming up

2009-10-07T12:32:00.009-05:00

In just a couple weeks, October 23-25, I'll be preaching, giving a keynote presentation, and offering a workshop at the Western Plains District Church of the Brethren Gathering. This fifth annual event focusing on worship, learning, and fellowship is held near Salina, Kansas, but this year will be accessible to people all around the world through the wonders of webcasting.

This venture is very exciting because it networks both a physical gathering and a virtual web of participants, fostering common conversation and shared formation. It's also somewhat intimidating for me as a presenter because it will require paying attention to these extended audiences. In the end, though, I expect this endeavor to teach all of us a lot about the webinar format and the power and limitations of this form of communication.

Obviously lots of organizations and schools have been using the webinar format for some time now, but for us Brethren the October event is a pretty major step. You're invited to join in and then let us know what the experience is like for you.

Click here or on the title of this blog post to see detailed information about all the presenters and the schedule for the event. Many of the broadcast sessions will also be archived for access after the event.

Collecting mentoring stories

2009-08-11T10:26:00.006-05:00

Can you help me?

I'm looking for stories about how young people are being/have been mentored by older adults. At a workshop at National Older Adult Conference in September, I'll be leading a discussion around how one generation lives their legacy by helping emerging generations shape their legacy. A particular interest is how these relationships shape faith.

Ideal stories describe how you've been mentored, or how you have been mentoring young people (kids, youth, young adults, even young families qualify as "young people"), and would include both the mentor and the mentee reflecting on the relationship, describing how it works, how it came about, what the commitment is to each other, what each has learned from the relationship, and what the relationship means to those involved. If both can't contribute to the reflection, the story told from either point of view is welcome.

I'd prefer to have 3-5 minute video clips that you could send to me digitally, or audio/podcast files of the same length. But I'd also take stories told in written form as long as they're 1-3 pages in length. These clips don't have to be professional quality, but they do need to be something that you're willing for me to show/share with workshop participants.

Your material needs to be in my inbox by August 31.

Email me if you have questions or are able to contribute.

No Fear

2009-08-10T12:25:00.004-05:00

On August 2, 2009 I had the privilege of preaching at the Northern Plains District Church of the Brethren conference. The Sunday morning sermon was based on 1 John 4:16b-21 and was entitled "No Fear."

In the sermon I reflected on how fear has become a commodity in culture, and also in the church. For the Christians especially, fear is a false commodity. The real economies of Gospel living are based on love, a radical, other-wordly love as expressed by God through Jesus.

Because a number of persons who heard this sermon asked for a copy, I am posting the link here.

Click here for a copy of No Fear - Northern Plains District Conference

Servanthood

2009-07-12T21:11:00.012-05:00

Heard a very good sermon today by John Breidenstine. John and I grew up in the same congregation in Lancaster. John's a foreign diplomat stationed in Sonora, Mexico. He and his wife Judith are also students at Bethany Theological Seminary through the Connections distance education program.

What made for such a great sermon? Integrity. It wasn't that John was so dynamic. He's really a pretty "understated" guy. It wasn't that he shared any radically new thoughts on servanthood. I didn't hear anything that I hadn't heard before, or probably even preached before myself. But John and Judith and their son Victor really exemplify the servant posture and the pursuit of God's will for their lives that John was speaking about today.

One example of that integrity is found in this YouTube post that they put together recently. It documents the work of one mission in Hermosillo that they are actively involved in. Read John 13. Watch this video. Think about living with integrity. Live a life of service.

Power of the Towel

2009-07-07T19:29:00.000-05:00

Power's a tricky commodity. We all have it. We all use it. It's not necessarily equally distributed among people, and it can be used for good or ill. There are different types of power: some power is earned, some is inherited, some is imposed.

One form of power which Jesus taught is power in servanthood. This type of power is most clearly exemplified in the John 13 story of Jesus washing his disciples' feet. In an outrageously counter cultural act, Jesus performed a power-filled act of service for his disciples, an act typically reserved for the powerless slave.

The faith tradition of which I am a part, the Church of the Brethren, recognizes the power of washing feet. It's symbolism indicates a world turned upside down, where power is shared and relinquished for the good of the other and the good of the community. As feet are washed in basins and dried with towels the balance of power is re-distributed, and the ultimate power in the universe, God in Jesus, is recognized as a serving, sustaining power.

Some years ago I wrote and recorded a song that captures a bit of this sentiment. A few of my friends and acquaintances have been reminding me of it lately, I suspect for its musical value, or perhaps some sentimental connection they have to it, or maybe because I need to be reminded of the posture of power that comes with a towel in hand. Whatever the impetus, here's the song. Feel free to use it in any way that's helpful to you and your faith community, except for selling it! (After all, it is copyrighted material).

Singing strength

2009-07-05T20:26:00.003-05:00

According to Pete Seeger (emphasis mine):

People ask, is there one word that you have more faith in than any other word, and I'd say it's participation. I feel that this takes on so many meanings. The composer John Philip Sousa said, 'What will happen to the American voice now that the phonograph has been invented? Women used to sing lullabies to their children.'

It's been my life work, to get participation, whether it's a union song, or a peace song, civil rights, or a women's movement, or gay liberation. When you sing, you feel a kind of strength; you think, I'm not alone, there's a whole batch of us who feel this way. I'm just one person, but it's almost my religion now to persuade people that even if it's only you and three others, do something. You and one another, do something. If it's only you, and you do a good job as a songwriter, people will sing it.

-from The Protest Singer: An Intimate Portrait of Pete Seeger by Alec Wilkinson, page 106

Parade or parody?

2009-07-04T22:06:00.004-05:00

Today we went to our town's 4th of July parade. I'm glad we went. It was fun and gave us some great insight into our community. The highlights were the Asian dancers, the high school marching bands (go Larkin!), the old cars and lots of diverse families lining the streets. There were also some things that raised questions for me.

How can we celebrate the blessings of our country without equating such privilege primarily with the military? It seemed that much of the parade was lifting up military personnel and politicians, the primary players in war-making. What would a parade that celebrates the unique freedoms and ingenuity of our nation look like? How could we celebrate the birth of our country with appropriate recognition that it was inaugurated through a bloody, violent, and self-righteous sequence of events? We seem to be stuck in such an "all or nothing" rut in terms of non-critically celebrating or being categorized as anti-American. Not so on either account.

The parade also had more than its share of churches participating. I'm glad to see our community's churches trying to make an impact. But I was left wondering what the effect of their parading would be. Do our churches really think that by marching together wearing ears, noses and whiskers that the "unchurched" will want to join their journey? Or that by rolling a stained glass windowed bellfry with a cross on it down the street that parade-goers will be motivated to take up the cross and follow Jesus?

And then there are social activists: environmentalists, peace advocates, political reformists, and health care whistle blowers. Again, I'm actually sympathetic to each of these causes, but I question the effectiveness of trying to out-shout the marching bands with one's war opposition, or pulling your float with a Hummer H3 while advocating political reforms, or driving a school bus (even a bio diesel one) while challenging our environmental practices. Paradox all over the place; I just wonder how many of the participants see these ironies themselves. It's clear that those looking on see them.

Finally, I was astounded at how the two and a half hour parade was basically a mile-long commercial. From towing companies, to various city departments, to gymnastics and karate academies, to politicians, to nut makers, to towing companies (did I mention this already?), to secret societies, to local eating establishments, it seemed that we were given invitation after invitation to help improve the economy. Apparently we've become so outrageously commercialized that even our holiday parades are for sale.

Ooops, one more thing: Candy. Everyone was throwing candy to kids and adults alike. I mean everyone. Guess that's a way to ensure future business for our two major hospitals...

I know this post sounds like a summer scrooge. Perhaps I really am at heart. But the joy of today for me is found in the freedom to write this blog, to think and speak critically about the community that I am a part of, and to do so from my second property (because my first property is still suffering from the real estate depression).

Really though, the joy of today is in spending it with my family, napping on the sofa, hearing/smelling/feeling the rain water the earth, and knowing that my earthly residence is a great place (the United States of America) but that when it really comes to citizenship, my primary allegiances are to Jesus Christ and the other way of living to which he welcomes me.

Staples

2009-07-03T00:16:00.002-05:00

This post was covered with hundreds of staples, but no posters at the moment!

taken for granted

2009-07-02T21:23:00.003-05:00

Just back from our big annual church conference where I had the privilege of planning and leading worship Sunday morning. It's always a great experience to be on the platform at conference, to look out on this gathering of God's people, to sing and pray and worship. Like I said, it was a great experience for me.

And apparently it was also a good worship experience for at least some of those gathered. I fielded quite a few positive comments about the service, for which I am appreciative. There were also some surprises in those comments.

Early in the service the kids were called forward, and I jumped down on the floor to talk with them about fear and love. The kids were awesome: full of energy, answering the questions, giving creative and insightful answers, like only kids can do. The surprise was in the number of people who said what a risk it was to have a story like that, how brave I was to take that on, and how unusual it was to have a children's time at conference. These comments all may have something to say about why we seem to have fewer and fewer kids in our churches! I didn't even think twice about meeting the kids.

The second surprise was the category of comments that lifted up the flow and integration of worship. Again, for me that's pretty much a no-brainer. Especially at this big gathering of Brethren, continuity, flow, and direction seem like priorities for worship. I'm not talking style, but rather quality. How else would we plan and carry out worship except with our best??

The third observation was that a lot of folks found the simple hymn chorus Don't be afraid to be very powerful as part of the response to confession. Many requests for this piece, which I got from the Church of the Brethren Hymnal Supplement.

The reminder for me in these observations it to not take for granted the gifts that I've been given, and to remember that just because something is "routine" or "expected" from my point of view that it well might be new, interesting and empowering to someone else.

Power in just enough

2009-06-21T20:59:00.003-05:00

Just left the National Jr. High Conference for the Church of the Brethren, over 600 kids and their advisors at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA for 40 hours of worship, fellowship, recreation, learning sessions, food, and a small amount of sleep. It was my first jr. high event, and it was amazing! A few observations.

Kids in Jr. High these days have gone through things by age 14 that noone should have to go through in a lifetime. Our song leader, Ken Medema (amazing in his own right!), invited these kids to share stories about change and transformation in their lives. Some of the stories had happy endings, some don't yet have endings. But from personal struggles to family situations to faith challenges to school and neighborhood stuff, these kids collectively have seen it all and somehow have the courage to stand before their peers and advisors and speak these stories. Incredible stories, amazing kids. (you can hear the stories and the songs Ken wrote on the spot soon at www.kenmedema.com)

Speaking of Ken, these worship experiences reminded me that we don't have to "give" the body that gathers everything in order to have powerful worship, but we do need to invite something of significance. Ken's song-leading was one example of this type of invitation. Songs of substance with a unique balance of simplicity and depth. Actors Ted and Company (Jeff) provided an amazing overview of the Old Testament the first night and the New Testament the second night. In the midst of the laughter and the moments of tears, these guys effectively shared the gospel story's very essence in two comparably short segments. The power is a testimony to the script and actors, but mostly it's a testimony to The Story (the bible story). It has power that comes through when treated with respect and excellence, without the need to "control" it.

As an adult at the conference, I also enjoyed some of the side conversations with other adults. I leave this event feeling like there is both a longing for and a movement toward refreshed and transformed ways of participating together in the Gospel story, sharing God's love in the world, being the church. No idea what it will ultimately look like, but with the courage, passion and energy of youth, and the openness to new ways from those of us who are a bit more on the graying side of things, we just may find ourselves Transformed from the Inside Out!

A blow to my self sufficiency

2009-05-31T23:58:00.004-05:00

At the ordination of our new associate pastor Audrey today, one of the comments that really stuck out for me was something to the effect of "we don't make ourselves." It got spun a few ways, and my mind started trolling on this statement, so I don't have the authors straight, but preacher Christy and pastor Audrey both contributed to these thoughts.

The reality that others make us, we don't make ourselves, is absolutely contradictory to the great American claim to self-sufficiency, "boot-strap" success, and individualism. We're instructed from our infancy that we can make ourselves into anything we want. Well, that's just not true. We can certainly obstruct growth into full grown, creative, loving humans, but we can't make ourselves into these things all by ourselves. It does take a community of teachers, mentors, friends, antagonists, and people experiences to become who we are, for better or for worse.

Pastor Audrey also observed that we pastors can't decide that we're going to be a pastor. We're only pastors by virtue of the call of the community that we serve. We do not engage others with deep spiritual matters unless the other invites us into their life or places themself voluntarily in a situation where they hear from us, engage with us, consider what it is we have to offer.

Finally, these thoughts took me to what I think is the bottom line. We don't make ourselves because it is God who has made us. Psalm 100:3 says it succinctly: Know that the Lord is God. It is he that made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Thanks for the reminder Audrey. And congratulations on your ordination, pastor!

Scheming swindlers

2009-05-19T16:40:00.000-05:00

Quote that my colleague Lowell loves, and so do I. It meant something a little different when I worked for the seminary, but it still has a point, meaning I feel the prick when I consider it:

"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament."

-Soren Kierkegaard

I think we could substitute lots of alternatives of "religious" pursuit for "scholarship." Think of all the "prodigious invention[s]" that serve as a protection from the gospel. The church itself. Busyness. Good works. Religious practice. Doctrine. Name the ones for you.

The point is not that any one of these disciplines or activities is inherently wrong or anti-biblical. What I hear Kierkegaard warning against, though, is the trap of these things taking the place of the biblical mandate, the Word itself.

It is far from easy to be a biblical people. Just ask us brethren. When asked what's at the core of our faith we often start with peace, or simplicity, or service. These are all important elements of biblical faith, but if we were to be true to our founders it is really the bible and the Jesus of the bible that are at the core of our faith and our practice. In order to be connected to that core, we are required to purge our defenses and live like the gospel: radically.

Being biblical is far from simple, and certainly not easy. My own life is challenged by nearly every step. I fail miserably stride after stride, and I know it. But I try to be aware of the defenses that I erect between me and the bible, and pray that God will treat them like the walls of Jericho. Then we might be free for scholarship, service, faithful practice, and full lives of activity as people of the Word, rather than as a bunch of scheming swindlers!

On the "e" word

2009-05-11T08:45:00.003-05:00

Lots of Christians have a deep ambivalence toward the "e" word, evangelism that is. The following is an open letter that I sent recently to some fellow disciples:

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ:

If you were given five minutes to tell your story right now about how Jesus’ love has impacted your life, could you do it? If I were to spend the next five minutes telling you about the love of Jesus in my life, would you recognize God’s work and could you be patient enough to listen? If we encountered one another on the street or in the store or over the phone today, would you be ready to express Jesus’ love for you, and for me, in meaningful ways?

Evangelism is not a program or a project. Evangelism is a way of moving about in the world. In my humble understanding the word evangelism means that as we join in God’s work in the world we help others recognize the power and presence of God. We want to be equipped with eyes to see, ears to hear, lips to tell, hands to serve, and hearts to compel us into such loving relationships with the world. We want to recognize God’s reconciling and redeeming work, made flesh in Jesus Christ, in our daily lives!

Sharing in the Good News is risky business because it means not only that the lives of others might be changed, but also that our lives might be transformed. God’s witness may show up in us to impact others, or in others to impact us. We can never be sure, but we endeavor to be ready.

I wish to encourage you to enhance your skills and enrich your passion for sharing in the good news of the Gospel with your family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, strangers, and even enemies throughout your local communities and social networks! Don't know how?? No excuses: ask your pastor, talk to someone that you know who easily shares their faith, visit http://www.evangelismconnections.org/, practice sharing with your friends, take small steps to share the love of God.

Begin today!

Bricks without straw

2009-05-08T06:19:00.004-05:00

The fifth chapter of the book of Exodus from the Old Testament of the Bible is part of the story of the Israelites in captivity to the Egyptians. In this fifth chapter the prophet Moses, through his mouthpiece brother Aaron, has told the slaveholding Pharaoh to let the Israelites go into the desert so that they might worship God. God has proposed a three day journey and festival. Pharoah predictably is having none of it! No vacation days for his laborers!

Instead Pharaoh decides to make the Israelite slaves' work even more difficult. He takes away their supply of straw used in the making of bricks and insists that the slaves find the straw on their own, without reducing the output of bricks. Essentially Pharaoh has given them an impossible task: scrounge for your straw, but keep massive quantities of bricks flowing to my warehouses.

I don't intend to push the metaphor too far, but reading this passage pulled me up short and caused me to wonder about the way life and work is progressing these days, especially for those of us who count ourselves among the community of Christians.

Our resources seemingly diminish day by day, in spite of God's abundance. Our "supply chain" has huge gaps in it, and yet we insist on the same results we've enjoyed before. What we probably need most is a festival in the desert, but it's the last thing to climb to the top of our priority list. We beat each other up, but in reality we are our own source of angst. Like the Israelite foremen we look around and realize we are in trouble here!

The promise comes in the next chapter. "I am the Lord and will bring you out from under the yoke," says God. For the Israelites this promise was difficult to hear and trust. Under great duress they resisted Moses, Aaron and God. Even with signs, miracles, plagues and trials, God's message was slow to sink in for both the Israelites and the Egyptians. But as the story progresses, God continues to demonstrate faithfulness.

Two key thoughts for today: Stop insisting that others keep making bricks without an abundant supply of straw. And trust that when God speaks there is power and promise.

Who's afraid ...

2009-04-27T21:04:00.010-05:00

...of the big, bad wolf? Well, if you're a leader, you can't afford such fear. There may be times when fear is appropriate, but it's not in the face of those things which huff and puff. The wolves may blow lots of air, it may even be powerful air, but it will not knock you down, especially if you lean into it like a Chicagoan does on a windy winter day.

Continuing with the animal metaphors, often our fear of the elephant in the room causes us to behave suspiciously, deceptively, untruthfully. It is exactly at those moments, however, when what we need to demonstrate above all else is integrity. Integrity in this moment, when confronted with a wolf that resembles an elephant, is honest, unapologetic, realistic, compassionate, and direct.

Apparently such integrity is not very common.

At an event this past weekend I stood before a gathering of folks which included one of those elephants. I acknowledged the elephant, welcomed the wolf, and moved on. I felt like I did it with integrity. Others seemed to think so as well.

What surprised and saddened me, though, was the number of people who thanked me for being honest, unapologetic, realistic, compassionate, and direct. They didn't all agree with me and some were angry about how the elephant ended up in the room in the first place, but they thanked me for addressing it forthrightly, and then several of them finished their sentence with something like, "... because we don't hear that from our leaders."

I don't raise this encounter to highlight my own leadership, but rather to remind others who lead how important it is to lead with integrity. There are many dimensions to integrity, some which have to do with ethics and others which have to do with transparency and honesty. Doing what's required and doing what's right may not always be the same thing. I may have been required only to make a basic presentation. But what was right was to truthfully acknowledge in public the difficult elephant which sat in the room. You don't HAVE to name the elephants, especially those that you have a hand in creating, at least not technically. But in terms of integrity, what other choice is there?

That's the part that mystifies me: what other choice is there? At least if you're a leader. Don't be afraid of the big, "bad" wolf. Lean into the wind. Point out the elephant. Lead.

Art of Movements

2009-04-21T22:01:00.004-05:00

Today was day one of Exponential09, an energizing gathering of church planters from all around the U.S. This year's theme is the Art of Movements. Here are just a few quick take aways from today's presenters.

"How difficult it is to find a place to belong." Erwin McManus cited the difficulty that many in the church and our culture have with the difference between proximity and intimacy. He said that we have learned "how to sit next to a stranger and make sure that they stay a stranger." He used lots of illustrations from riding in airplanes, something I can relate to!! There is a need in our world for real intimacy. McManus ended his remarks by challenging us to "stop trying to get popular in the Christian world and start doing something that matters."

Dave Ferguson outlined five keys to movements. Apostolic leadership. Shared dream. Gospel of Jesus (Good News). Genuine community. Rapid reproduction.

Communitas was the focus of a teaching by Alan Hirsch. He reminded us of the significance of liminal spaces for learning new things and gaining new perspectives, what he described as "learning in context, out of our comfort zone." Hirsch provided a harsh critique of the established church, declaring that "it doesn't like risk, and it avoids taking risks in the name of the safety of our children." This self-preservation actually produces the opposite of the desired results according to Hirsch. He urged leadership to understand part of its role as to introduce disequilibrium, to regulate stress, and to consider the skills that Ron Heifetz describes as adaptive leadership. He reminded us that one of the disciplines of leadership is to cast vision.

There is lots to think about at the end of this day, and another day and a half to go. One of the best parts of this year's event is that ten other Brethren are here, and we're having good sidebar conversations with one another, and building trust through relationships, another key to movements that we heard described.

Easter-tide

2009-04-15T11:02:00.008-05:00

The uncompromising leap of faith for me is the resurrection. Nothing else in my knowledge about, experience of, and relationship with God has real significance without Easter. I deeply appreciate the role of the sacrificial cross. I seek to emulate the ministry practices of Jesus. The historical and personal interaction of God with the people of Israel is a key framework for the holy story. The emergence of a new body of Christ, the church, is inspiring and hopeful. But none of it means anything to me without resurrection.

For me, the element of faith that makes the primary difference in life and ministry is this audacious victory over death. While admirable, giving oneself up for the good of others is not wholly unique. Recently we witnessed a ship's captain, Richard Phillips of the Maersk Alabama, give himself up to Somalian pirates to save his crew and cargo. In the tradition of the Brethren of which I'm a part, we look to Ted Studebaker as a person who put his own life on the line to provide ministry to those in Vietnam during war time. I imagine there are hundreds if not thousands of stories where selfless people have been killed or severely wounded while looking out for the best interests of others. Such behavior is exceptional, admirable, and even amazing. But it is readily believable because we see it repeated throughout history.

What we do not see repeated throughout history is the resurrection. There is only one decisive victory over death that stands for all of humanity. It is the declaration, "He is not here, but has risen" (Luke 24:5) that signals the once-for-all, mind-blowing defeat of death. More than just living out the improbable, God's insistence on life overcomes the impossible. In this moment we know definitively that for God nothing is impossible.

Realizing that death never claims the victory gives me the courage and perspective to go on in ministry and mission. In seasons of difficulty, resurrection reality provides a backdrop which keeps things in right relationship with God, with the world, with the church, with me. When leadership results in persecution or struggle, Easter life supercedes the actions and the reactions, empowering the freedom to make difficult decisions.

I am grateful for this Eastertide that washes through our church and through my life. To God be the glory. He is not here. He has risen.